Book Club Discussion Questions for ‘How To Do No Contact Like a Boss!’ by Kim Saeed
(Questions from Luci, a valued book club member. Thank you Luci!)
Kim Saeed’s book, “How to Go No Contact Like a Boss” is chockful of practical advice on how to implement and maintain No Contact with a person you have decided is destructive to your life and your future.
These rules can be adapted to fit your life and your circumstances. The rules are not intended to be used as a new and creative way to beat yourself up if you fail at doing No Contact completely, or if it takes several tries and attempts to get it right.
I am only adding this cautionary note, as I notice many empathic people seem to have boundless ways to make themselves feel guilty. So it seems to me that reading a set of guidelines that perhaps don’t exactly work for our lives and our circumstances would not be an exception. We seem to excel at using anything and everything to make ourselves feel bad. So, please be careful not to do that. Instead vow and commit to doing the very best you can, and adapt the rules as presented to fit your life and your circumstances.
Because in the end it is our life, and we must all find our own ways that work for us and for our greater good when dealing with the destructive people in our lives.
So with that being said, these guidelines are still a great starting point, and open a practical view into what could work, and what could be helpful in securing our freedom and moving on.
- Have you ever tried to implement No Contact and what was the outcome?
- How many attempts did you make before being successful?
- How did you feel about implementing No Contact? During the decision phase? During the implementation phase? Shortly after implementing? Several months after implementing?
- After a period of time of implementing No Contact did you come to experience a sense of peace, calm and wellbeing? A feeling of peace, calm and wellbeing is ultimately the goal of implementing No Contact. The goal is to rid our lives of the chaos, the confusion, the emotional highs and lows, the mind twisting feelings of guilt and shame that come from our interactions with destructive people, and the emotional pain and anger we feel when we experience almost constant and continuous invalidation.
- What part of this book was most helpful to you? In what way?
- What part of implementing No Contact is/was the most difficult for you? At what point in the process did you feel stressed beyond your capabilities, and risk falling back into old patterns of behavior? How did you support yourself during these times of great stress and uncertainty?
- What benefits have you gained from successful implementation of No Contact?
- Do you have any regrets after successful implementation? What feelings are the hardest to deal with? How do you deal with them?
- Do you have any mantras, or affirmations that you use to sustain and support yourself in your moments of doubt about your decisions? What are they?
- What have you learned about yourself in this process?
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.