Can’t Make it to the Live Stream but Have a Question?

YouTube live stream

Hi guys,

So I’m experimenting with something new for the live streams (which happen every Wednesday night at 8:30pm EST and run for about two-ish hours.)

The plan is to have people who have questions, but either can’t make it to the live stream, or who aren’t comfortable asking questions in the live stream, ask their questions here in the comment area below–and I will answer as many of the posted questions as I can during the live stream.

I will be opening up a new comment area for the following week’s live stream a few days early, so people have more time to post questions.  …I didn’t think about people posting questions in the comments area until just now–hence the last minute notification.  🙂

So if you have questions for tomorrow’s live stream, feel free to post them below, and we will see how this goes!

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 252 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

17 Comments

  1. Good afternoon Dana and greetings from Europe, Germany

    first of all I want to say thank you and this is an absolute amazing idea of yours, especially due to the fact that the time difference makes it a little difficult for me to participate during live stream.

    Also, in my language (German) we have bearly anything to nothing about narcissistic abuse- not online, nor in book form. I am so grateful for what you’re doing, helping so many people to understand what sort of people are out there and what classifies them, helping notice them & coping with the issues they cause; which can be a lot of pain for many.

    My question(s) for the life stream:

    When the narcissistic abuser decides to go back to his ex/ to his wife after spending years with someone else – does that mean he “loves” his ex / ex wife / wife more than us? And how can we deal with the fact that they prefer someone else and discarded us for eventually being with the ex again. Sometimes I get quite frustrated with the thought of “What’s so great about her, and me? Why I wasn’t I ever good enough to be treated right and loved”
    I know people cannot choose who they like or love, but I do think with a narcissistic abuser things are very different and I am trying to wrap my mind around it.

    Thank you

  2. Hi Dana,

    One more question. You may have answered this before but: during the love-bombing phase does the narc BELIEVE they’re ‘in love’? Do they on any level believe what they’re saying or is it just a game from the beginning?

    Thx

  3. I am trying to become a member of the support group and have registered twice without receiving an activation link. My user name is Uisce and Uisce1.

  4. I show that both user names are members. …I think my forum software needs to be updated. Have you tried logging in without the conformation email to see if you can get in?

  5. Great question. I think it depends on how “unconscious” the narcissist is. My guess is that some really do believe it–although their feelings (any feelings) are very fleeting–much like a child.

  6. Dear Dana,

    First of all thank you for all the work you do. Your videos have helped me so much in the past few months. Thank you!

    I have a question that I don’t think has come up before. And it’s to do with sleep deprivation. I remember in the early stages of my relationship, this was the first ‘what is happening’ moment when I started to wonder about the health of the relationship… My expartner would regularly wake me from my sleep with the words ‘you don’t love me’ and she would not let me sleep again until I reassured her everything was alright and that i did love her. Eventually, as other narcissistic traits started surfacing, late at night (just before going to sleep), and during the night became the most frequent times when my partner would rage, huff, or accuse me of things. As the months and years went by, these episodes really took it out of me and made me lose a lot of my spirit. I was wondering if you’ve come across this before as a manipulation technique? Or was it just coincidence that my expartner would vent her rage/insecurities at night?

  7. Hi Dana, I am really struggling with my separation from my ex. Its been a year and a half and I still cry. We have two children and watching him move on with his new girl friend has left me devastated. He worked with her and not even 2 weeks after he was out of the house he was sleeping at her place and they were “official” in less than a month. We were together for 7 years and the way he so coldly moved on has me wondering if I meant anything to him at all. He cheated on me all the time and he was always accusing me of infidelity. If he even thought I was flirting or if I tried to look nice he would fight with me, but yet he cheated chronically. He even gave me a curable std and that’s how I finally found out about all the girls. He would always come back begging saying he loved me couldn’t live without me, however he moved on this time and hasn’t looked back. I feel so pathetic. I guess I’m wondering if he is a narc or if I’m just reading too much into it. Some of the things I have read point to him as being disordered but other things don’t sound like him. He never really love bombed me he actually treated me kind of crappy from day one. In my mind I just thought we had a very passionate connection but I guess really it was just toxic but I feel like I cant live without him in my life. I’m so mad he chose her over our family. Please help!!!!

  8. Hi Dana,
    Thank you so much for all your work. I have a very personal question and would be grateful if you could help me look at it rationally. Sorry for venting all this to you, but I fear confessing what I did and went through to my family. I am 23 years old and believe my father was a sociopath or a narcissist. I wasn’t aware how much impact childhood trauma had on me until I began manifesting very destructive behaviors. I was subconsciously driven by need to prove the world that I’m worthy, because I felt absolutely unlovable. Long story short I lived abroad since I was 19 and had to work and study at the same time. After few years I became bitter and became really bad with money and started taking loans I couldn’t pay off and even occasionally to much guilt and shame shoplifting, justifying my actions in very cognitive dissonance way (learned what it is from your channel). When I couldn’t cope with my life situation anymore I finally awoke and said I am getting really crazy, this needs to stop. The problem is that I am feeling overwhelmed with depression, anxiety, shame and guilt because of my actions. I am also sensitive to criticism and my worst fear is that I am a narcissist and I can’t be changed. I really don’t know if I should go see another psychiatrist, because I spoke with one online, but she basically told me to not think about myself in that light. Ever since I was 16 and found out about covert npd I feared that this is what I am. I still feel broken and unfixable. I know I have feelings to other people and in relationships I would not consciously hurt anyone, but I fear intimacy and being judged for my brokenness and because of that I have been only in one short-lived relationship. How can I forgive myself? I am meditating, but I am constantly worried that I can’t change, because I am broken ‘in gens’. Sorry, I know it’s not exactly related to your work. Thank you if you got this far.

  9. Hello Dana! Thank you for your incredible work. Did you do a live stream yesterday (18/05/2016)? Did it happen in periscope? I was not able to find it and I cannot find the youtube today … 🙁 – Miss it! Take great care! thank you for all! This channel irradiates super powerful Kind energy! Just your company is very healing 🙂

  10. Hi Peter,

    The problem with narcissists isn’t so much their behavior, it’s that they don’t care about the hurt and heartache their behavior causes, and because of this, they aren’t motivated to change. If you see some problematic behavior within yourself, and you are sincerely motivated to change it–then by all means go for it! The kind of realizations and awakenings you are having is how personal growth happens, and frankly I’m really excited for you in this next chapter of your life. …Two great people to listen to as far as behavior change goes is Tony Robbins (he’s got a handful of videos on YouTube) and Leo from the YouTube channel Actualized.org. I hope this helps. …You are not alone in wondering if you are a narcissist or if you can change. A lot of former targets of narcissists wonder the same thing–and many of them (us) have picked up some bad behaviors along the way. But like I mentioned, if you want to change, then you can. (((HUGS)))

  11. Hi Daena,

    His behavior sounds very selfish and narcissistic for sure. …At a minimum, there is no open, honest, sincere, solutions oriented communication from this man, and if a relationship lacks those elements, then it’s not a relationship–it’s a manipulationship. …If you haven’t already read the book “Psychopath Free” I highly recommend it, as I think you will see A LOT of your experience reflected back at you–as well as many answers and clarity provided. Here is a link to the book if you are interested: Psychopath Free …And if you haven’t already joined the support group, I highly encourage you to do so, as it is a great place to get ongoing feedback and support: Facebook Support Group

  12. Hi there,

    I’m glad that my channel and blog have been able to help. That’s so awesome to hear. 🙂

    Yes, sleep deprivation is a thing that some narcissists do. I never experienced it, but I’ve heard this before from a handful of other people. My guess is that it’s like all the rest of their behavior in that it’s all about gaining and keeping power and control over their target.

  13. Dear Dana,
    Thank you for everything you are doing-you are a true life-savior! My question has to do with the devalue stage of a narcissistic relationship. Can you elaborate a bit on that in your next live stream or here? I am asking because I didn’t experience direct devaluation, meaning he didn’t use insults or name-calling. However, I feel, the delavuation stage was still present. Throughout the relationship, he would make subtle jokes in public, which would make me feel embarrassed, inadequate or clumsy. For instance, we would work out together in the gym and I would share something personal about my eating habits /I’ve had issues with food and dieting for a long time/, something concerning a health condition I had etc and then he would go and tell everybody else there and they would all ridicule me or make some kind of joke out of the whole thing. When I confronted him about that, he said I lacked a sense of humor, was too sensitive and he was trying to help me by sharing this information with others. Another example-for some time I didn’t have a job and I felt bad about it, we were discussing it and for some reason he decided that it’s ok for him to share our conversation with everybody else. He and his friends would also often make sexual jokes, which a lot of the time I deemed inapropriate even though I pretended to laugh at them. My narc was also often dismissive of everything I had to say, of any idea or suggestion I would make about anything. He would often mock me, benignly he insisted, for the way I carried myself, the way I talked, the way I walked etc, making me feel embarrassed or inadequate. He would even say jokingly something like “I don’t know how on earth you’ve managed to live without me”. What do you think about this behavior? Is it devaluing or do I lack a sense of humor and cannot appreciate his jokes? Is his behavior inappropriate or am I being overly sensitive?

  14. Can you tell me if there is a connection to a police officer who worked under cover and NPD? Do they have these issues and are “chosen” for the work because the testing shows they would be good at it? Or having worked undercover, do they BECOME narcissistic? I have had one in my life for some time and get confused as to whether I am dealing with one or not.

  15. Hi Heather,

    I’m sure that there probably are NPD police officers out there, as people with NPD work in all fields. His job wouldn’t make him develop a personality disorder–people tend to develop these early on. However, I think what’s most important is to look at his behavior today and to determine if that’s the kind of behavior you want in someone that is in your life. If the answer is no, and then you decide to see if things can be “fixed” between the two of you, and he’s either not willing or is willing but nothing still changes, then you’ll have to go from there.

  16. Thank you Dana for your commitment to bringing awareness to a disorder that cannot be cured. I believe this is one reason that it seems so much more prevalent in our society.
    I only very recently became aware that Covert Narcissism existed and that there were so many similarities in my husbands personality that it took me some time to process and change my story that I was telling myself of how my life was supposed be like. It’s only been 2 1/2 months since my covert narcissist husband of 29 years decided to end his life rather than go through a divorce and be found out. I want to explain what I went through to my 3 adult children but my 2 sons are not ready to talk about it in detail. Do you have any insight or can you recommend another utuber or website that may help in explaining this disorder to adult children. My daughter is 26 and more aware but my 2 sons are less aware because he was their father and they didn’t get the same abuse that I experienced.
    I am starting to write my story because that may be the only way to really explain things to them and the extended family and also break the cycle of abuse.

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