Three days ago, I broke up with my narcissist boyfriend of almost 5 years. We were out to dinner, eating and having a great time just talking and laughing like usual. We did, however, need to talk about an issue in our relationship, so as he started to explain his side of things, he finally confessed the truth.
He told be that because of his stress and feelings of depression over the past 2.5 years, he “became a womanizer…. I’ve been with other people.” I sat, stunned and speechless for about a minute. Then I said, “I’m leaving”, got up from the table, and never looked back. Before I even made it home, he sent me a bunch of text messages, most of which were blaming me for his cheating, and the only thing he could blame me for was a fight we had 2.5 years ago.
He has been texting me throughout the last few days, which have been a mixture of “I’m sorry” and “I miss you”, and more blaming me for his cheating. I have not responded. I never want to speak to him again. Cheating (apparently with multiple people over a long period of time) is something I am not willing to forgive, ever. This exact moment at that restaurant table was the end of this messed up relationship.
For almost 5 years we were together, and I felt that things were good a lot of the time. However, I often felt that something was “off”. He was always very secretive with his phone, he would consistently do things that I didn’t approve of even though he knew these things hurt me, and littler things, like never taking care of me when I was sick and frequently dropping the ball on special occasions and family functions.
He stopped coming to my family holiday celebrations because he claimed he just didn’t like the holidays. He didn’t even give me a Christmas present this year. Now that I know what he is, all of these things make sense.
One would think that all of this would have been enough to make me leave, but these bad things were constantly overshadowed by the good things. He was always very attentive (we spoke or texted or saw one another every single day in all of our time as a couple), he was very affectionate, we had a great sex life the entire 5 years, and we had a blast together, always laughing and joking.
I saw all the red flags, but I either justified them away, was in denial about them, or chose to believe his many, many lies. From the outside, our relationship appeared very good, and it felt that way quite often. My friends even commented on how good we were together, even though now I know it was all just a facade. I cried so many tears over this man throughout the last few years, that I haven’t even cried since his confession and our official breakup. He isn’t worth it.
Part of me has wanted out of this relationship for the past year because of his inconsistencies, but again, the good things made me stay. Even though I’m extremely hurt right now and feel incredibly betrayed, sad, and angry, a large part of me actually feels relieved that I finally have a solid, clear reason to be done with him forever.
I finally believe in myself enough to know for certain that I deserve so much better than he could ever give me. I know for a fact that he is a narcissist- all the research I’ve done, including what I’ve read on this website, describes him to a tee. While I do feel fortunate that I am getting out of this relationship with this toxic person, I am also mourning the loss of a relationship that was such an important part of my life for so long. There was a time when I thought we would get married and maybe have a child together, but after a few years of waiting and listening to his excuses, I realized that it would never happen.
I’m so disappointed that I invested so much (my time, my devotion, my love, my support, and even my money….he owes me $5,000). He didn’t deserve a bit of it. He is a monster who will never, ever change, and I finally accept the truth and am looking forward to moving on to bigger and better things.
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My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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- Episode 26: Live Stream from March 8, 2017 - March 14, 2017