Do Narcissists Commit Suicide?

narcissists playing sick

Narcissists really are ridiculous human beings once you see their manipulations and lies for the nonsense that they are. One of the more ridiculous ploys of a Narcissist is the “Feel sorry for me because I’m sick” ploy.  The “sickness ploy” happens right around the time that you are threatening to leave, or have recently left a Narcissist–although it can happen months or years later as part of a “hoover.”

In this ploy, a Narcissist will throw out all the stops in order for you to feel sorry for them, and focus on their “sickness” instead of their behavior.  Some examples of common sicknesses that they use are: having cancer, having a heart attack, needing to go to rehab, being suicidal…and maybe even mental illness (the voices are what made them do it). The vast majority of times, none of these sicknesses are even real.

So…do Narcissists commit suicide?

The two that I hear from others (and have heard in my own life) are a Narcissist claiming that they, or someone close to them has either cancer or is suicidal.  More likely than not, these are not true.  They are just a rouse to pull at your heartstrings and to get you to reopen communication with them.  After all, if you were to reopen communication with them because of some life-threatening reason, you’d put all your anger at them aside, and probably approach them with compassion and concern…and that’s what they are hoping for.  If their suicide threats are legitimate, the best thing you can do for them is to call 911 and let the professionals get them the help the need. If you do call 911, and it turns out they really aren’t suicidal, I can guarantee you it’s a game they will be a lot more hesitant to play with you next time, as all the attention of sirens, and EMS showing up at their door runs a risk of damaging their public image.  And we all know how much work they put into maintaining their precious public image!

Why are they lying about having cancer or being suicidal?  

They are using the sickness ploy for two reasons: To get you to reopen communication with them, and/or to get your attention onto their “sickness” and off of their behavior.  You might think that it’s harmless to reopen communication with a Narcissist–that just one short text message won’t hurt anything…but it does.  That one short text message is exactly what they want.  They know that once you respond to them, they’ve convinced you to crack open that door of communication.  Once that door is unlocked and cracked open, they know they can easily bust it in.  In fact, they are banking on it.

What kind of person does that?!

A highly manipulative person (generally a Narcissist or Sociopath) is the kind of person who lies about these kinds of things, that’s who.  Keep in mind that they do not have moral or values. Their only goal is to get their ego fed.  That’s it.  They don’t care about love, or happiness, or relationships, or their children.  They really don’t.  I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.  If they come across like they love you or their children, it’s because wearing the mask of a good husband or father somehow feeds their ego.  That’s it.

Their goal with the “sickness” ploy is nothing but another lie in an attempt to manipulate you into giving them what they want–which is generally access back into your life.  Keep in mind that they don’t want access back to you because they love you (they don’t love like “normal” people do).  They want access back because you are providing them with some sort of supply–whether it is sex, attention, food, clothing, shelter, money and/or status of some kind.

So now you know that there is such a thing as a “sickness” ploy, don’t fall for it!  Stand strong. Stay “No Contact” or “Gray Rock.” Cutting off, or limiting communication like this might feel like you are playing a game, and in reality you are–and have been all along, you just didn’t know it.  Is it next to impossible to have “healthy” communication with a Narcissist or a Sociopath.  In fact, if you were to do so, you would be setting yourself up for more manipulation, and potentially great harm, as you are being open and honest and they are trying to manipulate.  The more open and honest you are, the more ammo you are giving them to hurt you with.  You need to set boundaries with them in whatever way works best for you.  It’s high time you started putting yourself first, and them second. (I know this is hard for all you codependent, caregiving types out there–myself included!)

If  you are ready to leave this manipulative person, it helps to prepare yourself for the potential of more nonsense and lies from them, and from their “flying monkeys.”  In fact, I’d say that once you leave is (unfortunately) when the real manipulations begin.  But don’t let me saying that deter you from leaving.  My goal is to set you up for success.  I want you to know what you are in for, so you don’t get caught up in their lies for any longer than you already have.  Get a game plan for how to leave them; get a support system in place, and get the hell out. You can do this.  Hell, you’ve been in a relationship with a Narcissist–everything else in life is a cake walk compared to this!

 

 

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 306 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

11 Comments

  1. Do Narcissists come back simply for revenge? Mine came back with soo many double edged statements, rubbing subtley the interim girl in my face (after I found out about her) after a years breakup where I thought it was all my fault…

    At first he’s telling me about all his new friends and I was wondering if he was letting me into his life or if he was rubbing it in my face. He came back under the guise of being worried about me (I did have a mental breakdown after he texted me he was still in love with me for 3 weeks then poof gone and I find out 2 weeks later he has a gf, only then did he reply very cruelly telling me I was using semantics and Fuck You)
    A month later he video chats me…I was in a crisis center and I still thought it was my fault, I wanted answers too, and profusely apologized about what I had done)…
    Anyway, we talk for 6 months and it’s hot/cold hot/cold and all about his new life saying he would come down to see me. At this point if it didn’t work all I wanted was the respect of face to face closure as he has originally broke up with me by text and I wanted to review our relationship and say thanks and a proper goodbye…

    At the end he begins backing out, how much I treated him like shit and I’m the reason he felt so bad about himself and he was just getting over it. Then cold and then nothing. I can’t even do scribe the things he said to me but the essence was in two remarks…”You’re the only one I can talk to, the only one who understands me but I finally figured out I’m smarter than most people…”

    and another one was him crackin a joke and then saying how he’d use that one next time he went out picking up chicks…” All I said was,”I hope that works for you…” He calls me back the next day saying sorry, he knew I do didn’t like the joke but it was only a joke….

    But what hurt the most besides the lack of respect to do this face to face ( he later told me he rode all the way from his state, 4 states away, to mine and went to LA and didn’t bother seeing me in San Diego)….but him screaming at me I was the reason he felt like shit about himself for soo long and he was just getting over it!! And the 10 years was shit!!! Hurt the most, because I had plenty of great memories and that out of it all, I just wanted to know I meant something….
    Because I don’t remember it as all bad..and in fact at one point…10 years thought he was the love of my life…

    Do narcissists come back to put one more proverbial bullet in your head??

  2. Narcissists, and other forms of emotionally abusive people are driven to get (and keep) power and control over others and over certain (most) situations. They do this by “hoovering” : http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/?s=hoovering

    And/or by stalking, or by literally killing the other person. Emotionally abusive people do not move on easily, as they are obsessed with regaining power and control over the other person and over the situation.

    If you don’t have any reason to talk to him, I encourage you to consider going full “no contact” (if you think that’s the safest way to end things) or to go “gray rock.” http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/?s=gray+rock

    Most people find it helpful to block them across all channels (so on Facebook, email, phone, etc.) If he starts creating fake accounts to harass you, then you may just want to create a new account/get a new phone number.

    When they do reopen contact it usually comes across as non-threatening, and often it comes across as they care or are concerned. This is all part of the luring the victim back into the cycle of abuse. Soon after the victim goes back, they see that this person hasn’t changed, and in fact, their behavior is often even worse. One of the many ways that an abusive person tries to regain control over their victim is by beating them down verbally (and sometimes physically). They blame them for everything, and tell them all kinds of things to grind down their self-esteem. Unfortunately, because many victims already have poor self-esteem, they tend to believe them. Don’t. This is what they do, and their reality is really f’d up.

  3. I really need help. I’m convinced that I’m a covert narcissist since EVERY single symptom applies to me 100%. I talked to my boyfriend about this too (we’re both 17) and he sees the NPD as well. It really bothers me to see that, my true self is actually “dying” as it is being replaced by this hideous creature. I feel so vacant and lost, I have no idea who I am as an individual. My opinions change depending on the side with better favor. I’m promiscuous and now am questing if I’ve even felt love before. I miss the old me. The person who wasn’t afraid to be herself. The person who had NO anxiety. The person who “invented” things and was spontaneously crafty.

    I want to change, teach me how to learn love and self acceptance instead of self doubt and grandiosity.

  4. We all have some Narcissistic traits–some more so than others. The problem with people that have Narcissistic behavior is that they often don’t see that they have a problem. If you see some troubling behavior that you have, then you have enough awareness to be able to work towards changing it. I highly recommend you read this book: I’ll be curious as to your thoughts about it and what all it brings to light. (((HUGS)))

  5. I will check it out! Thank you so much for responding. It’s just that, the worst part is, my grandmother is a narcissist, and so is my mother, and now me! I still live with my mother of course since I am still a teen, but I don’t know how long I can take it anymore. Since I was twelve I noticed something was off about her, and completely disassociated myself from her. Everytime she talks to me I always give her dry unemotional answers so she can’t use my emotions as a weapon. How do I know she has NPD? Everything is about her, she thinks she’s the queen of the damn world, she has gone into a narcissistic rage towards me and called me an abusive child and a bitch, she says things she knows will tick me off, she treats me as if I am inferior to her, and lastly; she’s always the victim no matter what. I can’t wait until I’m in college (one more year!!!) but I always see herself in me which bothers the crap out of me. And now I’m convinced that I am a product narcissim because of her emotional and psychological abuse for 17yrs.

    As a narcissist though, I do use people to my advantage, but rarely, and for small favors (ex: rides to places, food, etc). I know it’s wrong and am trying to fix it. I am overly self concious about everything (as if I need to be seen as perfect in everyone’s eyes). BUT, as a possible narcissist I don’t purposely or at all “look for victims to trick, and deprive them of their lives” what so ever. Narcissists are ridiculous human beings, but we constantly try to prove ourselves to somebody, whoever that is, but we have no idea. Maybe we’re trying to prove ourselves to us, to our own being. If that’s the case, this is because of past abuse (like my mother). I don’t speak for all narcissists however, but most probably.

    I’m debating if I should write my college letter on this… Thoughts? And I will defiantly try to check this book out! Thank you. xoxo

  6. My mother is a narcissist and I think I may have BPD and am codependent. I’ve also suffered from major depression and anxiety most of my life and was hospitalized at once time. My father is in end stage Alzheimer’s right now and the stress is unbelievable and I’ve been having suicidal ideation. I can’t imagine ever truly taking my life because I would never want to hurt my child, husband, brother or close friends. My mother constantly tries to use me as an ATM – asking for money for food or medications – because she manages her money poorly. She also will call solely to complain, never caring about what is going on in my life. My parents have been divorced for over 30 years and she constantly bad-mouthed my father, but now wants me to tell her everything that is going on with him. I’ve gone low contact and today she left a tearful voicemail saying that she’s sorry she’s a burden and she wishes she was dead. I’m emotionally exhausted and at the end of my rope and want to ignore her but the guilt is unbearable, though I know it’s not rational to feel guilty and she’s just manipulating me!

  7. Hi Anne,

    I am sorry that you have gone through so much with her, and I don’t blame you for going low contact. …And yes, the guilt they lay on can be a tremendous burden to carry. Try to anticipate her making you feel guilty and the things that she’ll do so when she does do them, you won’t be so caught off guard emotionally. A good support group can really help as well. Here is a link to mine, but there are many others out there: (((HUGS)))support group

  8. I just received an email from my mom saying that she will commit suicide if I don’t sell my property and give the money to her. I will let you know if she really keeps her promise.

  9. Yikes. Many manipulative people threaten suicide in order to get you to do what they want. Don’t let her threats change your course of action. You can’t live your life in fear. I’d send that email to the police and/or call them and let them know she’s suicidal. She’s either learn real quick that she can’t play that game with you, or they’ll take her and put her some place safe until she can get more stabilized.

  10. Well, it has been three days since my NPD mom threatened me with suicide but nothing happened. Her psychiatrist sent me a whatsapp message 2 days ago. Apparently, my mom called the psych and manipulated her to manipulate me. The psych wrote to me that she was very concerned because mom was talking about her death and told me that I need to go get her and hospitalize her. I wrote the psych that I have no relationship with my mom and if she is really concerned than she should call my uncle. No news of her death or any hint of suicide thus far. Nevertheless I am expecting a fake suicide attempt in the next few days to get her hospitalized and than force me to go visit her, which I will not do.

    I can tell you it is very difficult to be an NPD mom’s child, even at the age of 42 and despite the fact that I am a full professor of medicine.

    Good luck to all, and my only recommendation for people like me is NC (NO CONTACT).

  11. Ugh. Good for you for holding to your boundary. I’m sorry that you have a mother who acts this way. I can only imagine what you’ve been through–and what you continue to go through. (((HUGS)))

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