Episode 16 of the “Ask a Question” Show: Could a Person Be a Covert Narcissist and Not Know it?

FAQs about Narcissists

In this episode, the question of, “Could a Person Be a Covert Narcissist and Not Know it?” is discussed. Is this even possible? And what if a person is a Covert Narcissist and now they do know it–can they change?

I give my two cents, and I hope that you’ll give yours too in the comments down below. I’ll be curious to know what you guys have to say about this . 🙂

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism…or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change.

My experience and input comes from being a former advocate of victims of domestic violence, a former victim of Narcissistic abuse, and from (currently) being a psychiatric nurse.

* I am moving away from using the term “Narcissist” as I find it only seems to add a tremendous amount of confusion to things–not to mention there’s a very solid chance the word will be removed from the DSM here in the near future. Instead, I want people to focus on what matters, and that is the behaviors of people that I’m now referring to as “manipulative, dangerous and destructive people”.

I’m on a personal mission to share all my lessons learned from highly manipulative, dangerous, and destructive people in order to help YOU get all the clarity, closure, and healing you need in order to avoid, and recover from, these kinds of people.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Frustrations? Ideas? Need some support? Just want to say hi? Let me know!

Get Support: www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

Read More: www.NarcissistSupport.com

Find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Narcissist-Support/864636096909000

All manipulative people have about the same predictably unpredictable behavior. The good news is that they all come with the same set of red flags.

Learn the red flags and empower yourself with the knowledge you need to help you steer clear of toxic people: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcjFWuvIFFzJr5eXvb4rG_F-68lw4TK4T

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 267 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

9 Comments

  1. Do these predators team up with each other? I don’t know how many characters I get but what I mean is… Would a woman that added that last straw find another woman (whom are both narcissists) to continue the abuse vicariously?

  2. I wouldn’t put anything past a manipulative or abusive person. Sometimes they do team up–which can make for a very scary, and very abusive dynamic.

  3. Hello Dana, I’m curious about something and I have not heard you mention anything about this, but it seems like it might be a way for the narc to maintain their source of supply. Is it a red flag when a person insists on being close friends with their former lovers?

  4. It could be a red flag for a Narcissist or other type of manipulative person, yes. It’s a red flag for me, and not something that I’d be okay with. Of course, highly manipulative people will spin this back around on the victim and make it seem like they have a ton of issues with trust, commitment, and what have you, but there’s not a whole lot of people out there who would be okay with their significant other being close friends with their ex. …After all, how would your significant other feel if you were to be close friends with your ex? Odds are they wouldn’t like it one bit. It’s just too easy to reopen a door once it’s already been opened. There are plenty of great people out there, and if someone chooses their friendship with their ex over their relationship with you, then there’s a problem, and you’re best off moving along and not looking back.

  5. Hello, Dana. I think you are using the term ‘covert narcissist’ in an unusual way. A covert narcissist is not someone who wonders if he/she is a narcissist. A covert one is a ‘hidden’ one, hence the term. A covert narcissist, as oposed to an overt one, only acts in private and can look unassuming, humble and even meek in public. They keep their true personality behind a mask. Everyone they encounter think of them as great people, very friendly and helpful. But it is behind closed doors (usually the home) where their narcissism comes out and the abuse takes place. They cause irreparable damage, especially in the case of their children, forced to grow up in a nightmare. These covert narcissist never recognize they have a problem, that’s why they are undiagnosed and untreated for the most part. And that’s why their victims’ stories are so difficult to believe, since they paint a very different picture that others have never seen.
    I am no Dr., simply a woman who married one of them and was abandoned after 22 years, when I was severely depressed, contemplating suicide, overweight and ill with RA, very likely caused by many years of chronic stress and abuse. I was at my lowest and had asked him repeatedly for help, but he -lacking any empathy- discarded me without a word. That was 3 years ago and I had all this time to study and learn about this type of behaviour, which is quite different from what people usually recognize as (overt) Narcissism.
    Other than this, thank you so much for creating this site. I tried to join the Facebook group but wasn’t able. A sign said it is either private o no longer exists.

  6. I’m sorry that you have gone through so much–but I’m thrilled that you’ve made it out to the other side. <3

    ...I think there are a lot of codependent/empath type people out there who fear they might be a covert Narcissist, but Narcissists don't ever think they have a problem--and they don't stop to wonder (or be concerned) that they are a covert Narcissist.

    Here is a link to the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse/ (This group is “closed” meaning your other Facebook friends can see that you in the group, but they can’t see what you are posting.)

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