There are three main reasons people don’t listen to their instincts:
1. They are vulnerable which leads them to being “starved out” in some area, and it’s really hard to think clearly when a person is vulnerable.
2. Narcissists and other types of emotional manipulators exploit people’s vulnerabilities in order to use or abuse them.
3. Cognitive Dissonance. The mental distress a person feels when they have two conflicting thoughts about the same topic at the same time, as all people need their actions to be in alignment with their thoughts. So if a person is getting their needs met (in particular whatever it is that they were vulnerable about) then they are going to have a hard time walking away–and often times what happens is that the pain of staying will have to become greater than the pain of leaving. …Keep in mind that most all of this is happening on a subconscious level for the target. Most people don’t know what their vulnerabilities are, and they aren’t aware of what cognitive dissonance is or how it happens (or feels–which it feels like perpetual confusion). Once people begin to become aware that they are being manipulated and that it’s not their fault, then it can be easier for them to cut through that fog of cognitive dissonance and see things more clearly.
We all experience cognitive dissonance in a wide variety of situations when we come across two conflicting thoughts of any kind.
If a person is dating a person with problematic behavior, but enjoys being with that person to some extent and doesn’t want to leave, then they will justify what they are experiencing. And of course, it makes it that much harder to see what’s going on when their abusive partner is denying there is a problem or blaming them for the abuse or their hurtful actions.
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in narcissism…or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change.
Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with Narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.
My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.
Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.
Get Support: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com/forum
* This is an “open” group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.
Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse
*This is a “closed” group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN’T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline–but they really can’t so don’t panic.)
Find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveAfterAbuse/
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Latest posts by Dana (see all)
- Episode 55: How Do I Stop My Addiction to the Narcissist? - August 23, 2017
- Episode 53: Strategies to Help Prevent Your Child from Being Manipulated by a Narcissistic Parent - August 21, 2017
- Episode 54: How can we handle victim blaming and revictimization? - August 18, 2017