Episode 26 of the “Ask a Question” Show: How Can I Tell if He’s a Narcissist?

FAQs about Narcissists

In this episode, Corrina asks, ” Am I Being Unreasonable? …Is he a Narcissist, and how can I tell?”

I give my response, and I hope that you’ll give yours too in the comments down below. Let’s see if we can help Corrina forward and heal. 🙂

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism…or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change.

Professionally, I worked as an advocated for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with Narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy.  You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.


Get Support: www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum


* This is an “open” group, meaning that anyone can see what you are posting, however, you can choose your own screen name and have total privacy that way.


Support Group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse


*This is a “closed” group, meaning that your Facebook friends can see that you are in the group, but they CAN’T see what you are posting (although it looks like they can, as you can see the chat on your timeline–but they really can’t so don’t panic.)


Find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Narcissist-Support/864636096909000


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I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 348 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.


  1. Thank you for this series. I never thought I was stupid but in just the last year I have been able to attach the title of narcissist to my husband of 25 years. So much makes sense now. I can’t count how many times he has said I’m overreacting or just wrong when I knew I wasn’t. Even when I knew what was going on I “knew” he couldn’t be doing this on purpose. Quick note, don’t try to explain to a narcissist why they are wrong. That’s a rabbit hole nobody wants to go down and in the end they will most likely use your findings against you. He managed to convince my entire family I’m nuts, how’s that for a loving family? Hard to blame them when even I didn’t recognize what he is doing. It’s such a relief because I knew I wasn’t nuts all along but it’s hard when you are the only one. You keep having that fleeting thought, “But haven’t I heard that crazy people think they are sane?” I would have to go through my mental FACT list to calm myself and realize it’s for sure NOT ME. Thanks again.

  2. I’m glad my info was able to help you get the clarity and validation you were needing.

    I’m sorry that you went through all this, and I really wish you all the health, healing, and happiness in the next chapter of your life. (((hugs)))

  3. I need support and advice! I have been dating a narcissist /sociopath/ anti social (whatever words you want to use, his behaviors are textbook all the red flags are there) for 9.5 years. I just figured it out about 1 year ago. The first 4-5 months I thought everything was “too good to be true” I didn’t recognize the rushing of intimacy and other signs yet. Then he started being paranoid dillusional, really jealous, and accusing me of having sex with pretty much everyone from our neighbors, the gardener to his brother-in-law while he was down the hall from us sleeping in bed with my narc’s sister (he lived with his sister at the time.) Then I thought he just was cheated on in the past and I could help him by showing him how faithful and honest I am. When that didn’t work I thought he had paranoid personality disorder because he had all the symptoms. I couldn’t take the accusations so I said he needed to go to a therapist or i was done. He went to a psychiatrist who after filling out 1 questionarre incorrectly and a half hour interview that he lied in ( I was there ) she wrongly diagnosed him with bi polar and gave him a couple different medications. He took them inconsistently and started having hallucinations then he tried to OD had to go to the hospital in an ambulance, get his stomach pumped and stayed in mental hospital for 3 or 4 days. Then his family (sister and mom) blamed me. Jake and I were living together at that time but they wouldn’t let him come back home. They hated me ever since.
    Then he came back home and we went to couples counceling with an MFT. That didn’t help because in his perception nothing is his fault everything is my fault. So he would either talk bad about me or check out completely. He even fell asleep 1 time -ultimate silent treatment. She told me to break up with him. Very soon after that he got me pregnant on purpose. He convinced me to go off the pill after months. Next thing you know I was pregnant. Then he started texting/talking to other girls (even on our 5 year anniversary ), not coming home sometimes, wouldn’t answer his phone for hours/days, and was drinking and started doing massive amounts of cocaine. I was so stressed out. Trying to run my in-home daycare 10 hours a day and was so sick throwing up and bad migraines everyday, I couldn’t eat or sleep. He didn’t even care. He never has cared about how I feel emotionally or physically. I told him that I had no choice but to leave. All of my daycare clients left for other reasons. So now I was pregnant with a dog and no income and no support system. I closed my daycare because my older sister who lived in a mansion 2 hours away said I could go live with her in a little apartment in the back of the mansion, and have the baby and then I could start a daycare in her house to save money and get back on my feet. I asked a million times if she was sure, she said yes and to stop asking. I moved out of my house that I had lived in 15 years and into my sister’s house when I was 8 months pregnant. I hadn’t even unpacked or had the baby yet and she told me she changed her mind and wanted me to move out so her new cop boyfriend could move in with her. I was hysterical panicked. No money, 9 months pregnant, no where to go, can’t get a job. So I stayed there until my baby was 4 months old. Those 4 months I drove with my baby 2 hours each way to visit Jake because he had no money so many times. The day I had my baby I had 3rd degree tearing and was in so much pain and Jake wouldn’t even get up to bring me the crying baby. He promised me that he would go to a therapist and get on meds so that I would move back to be with him. He went 1 time and never took meds. Next thing you know I packed everything up because my sister wanted me out and moved back in with Jake. Things seemed a little better except there was still accusations, spite, passive aggressive stuff and rage. 7 months after moving back in I got pregnant with my 2nd baby by accident. During that pregnancy I found out that my first son had special needs. I did early intervention services everyday in our house as well as having a new daycare 10 hrs per day by myself and being very pregnant. Jake wouldn’t even helped with cleaning, dinner, dishes. He was jealous that I just got to stay home all day. It got to the point that my fetus was showing signs of distress. He wasn’t getting enough nutrients because I was working too much. They told me to go on bed rest and I couldn’t. I still had to do everything and he still wouldn’t help me.
    I found out that both of my children have autism and sensory processing disorder. Jake has been in denial about the autism for about 4 years now. He has said that I say the autism is more intense than it really is, it’s my fault, I’m just over protective, I am holding them back, I am a bad mom,……you name it ( none of that is true ). He has launched a smear campaign against me to everyone. He is a covert narcissist. He acts like a nice guy in front of everyone and then when no one is looking if I confront him or even talk to him he either gets enraged or gives me the silent treatment or both. He will verbally attack me and then shut down. He just did it again today I was trying to talk to him about a text that he sent to his sister and he didn’t want me to talk to him so he quickly got enraged and broke our touch screen tablet with his bare hands. There was glass in our carpet. He blames me for everything, denies everything, feels no remorse/conscience, gives me the silent treatment regularly, has a smear campaign against me, tries to prove me wrong about our kids having disabilities, lies, manipulates, threatens to leave me when he doesn’t want to talk about things that he did wrong.

    Now that I have pinpointed that their dad is a highly manipulative person with a serious personality disorder it has effected our being able to get along and be intimate. We haven’t had sex in 4 months since I found out things he was saying (smear campaign ) about me and my kids.
    The reason I am still with him is because I have to protect my children. I took a 3 minute shower tonight and they were both crying and upset because of their dad. I literally feel like I can’t turn my back for 1 second. If we were separated then my kids would have to go with him without me there to make sure that they are okay. It would not only be him taking them away from me, but taking me away from them too. They need me or someone who is willing to acknowledge their disability and is trained on how to handle the hard situations that happens every couple minutes (like their special ed teachers and therapists.

    They have challenges that aren’t always visible, but need to be helped in certain ways or they have meltdowns and often get hurt. It effects everything from safety to what they eat, how they sleep, going around other people and animals, what they hear, see, feel, smell, how they process sensory input, fears, emotional regulation, physical regulation, hyperactivity, ……….the list goes on and on and on.
    He just threatened to leave me again tonight and take the kids away from me. I don’t know what to do. My friends don’t want to hear me talk about my problems like it’s a burden to them. Just lost the friends that I had (of 25 years) because they have no idea how stressful my life is and judge and criticize me for how I have to be. I have no family support either. I am isolated, scared, stuck in a bad situation, broke, with 2 children who have disabilities, an enraged /violent boyfriend with a severe personality disorder and no support. He even told me that he actually killed someone. He said it was self defense, but I don’t know what to believe. Maybe it never even happened and he wanted to see if he could trick me? I just need to be with my kids everyday to make sure that they are okay. A lot of days he comes home from work and is very helpful or nice( to an extent -still doesn’t care about me, but acts like nothing bad happened) and vacuums or is nice to the kids, ect. He is not always horrible, but definitely everytime I confront him, get mad about something that he did, ect. I wanted to give you a time line of some of the major events of our relationship. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I have no one to talk to. I feel stuck in this relationship and there is no hope for improvement. He says if I wouldn’t frustrate him then he wouldn’t get enraged and be verbally/emotionally abusive /violent, ect. So, I told him that by that logic if I frustrate him he could murder me, cheat on me, ect and it would be my fault. I feel like he has this deep rooted anger that is always just below the surface and if I do certain things then he gets angry and violent. I know there is no getting through to him using logic, and I am not supposed to react, but when he is doing and saying things that are not true and effect me or the kids then I try defending /explaining and he plays mind games and twists everything into he is the victim and I am at fault for everything. What should I do overall, and also when he is provoking me. Usually it when I need his help with something. So I am damned either way. Either I have to ask him for help or do everything myself which takes more time than I have and makes everything later like dinner and the kids bedtime.

    Sorry that this comment was so long. Thank you for taking time to read it. I am so thankful for your videos. Knowledge is power. I feel like I can relate to you which doesn’t happen for me very often.

  4. I’m glad you were able to find your way here, and I hope that we can help you move forward to health and healing. As a start, I highly recommend you check out the support group, if you haven’t already: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

    If he is telling you that he killed someone, regardless of whether or not this is true, I would take this very seriously–as that is a very intimidating thing for someone to say–and my guess is that he meant it to be intimidating.

    You really have your hands full with two children with Autism. (((BIG HUGS))) to you.

    Here is another group that I think you could also really benefit from on Facebook called: “Recovery from Narcissistic Ex Husbands” (Even though that isn’t your situation right now. You will still get a lot of support from moms.)

    There is no easy answer, but hopefully between these two groups, we can at least listen to you and help you sort out some options and how to proceed.

    Again, (((HUGS))) to you. <3

  5. Hi I have some questions about narcissism, and I would be very happy if you could help me answer them.:)
    I wonder if there are narcissists (NPD) that aren’t charming.
    I believe my father in law is a Narcissist (NPD) , he has been cheating 2 times that we know of, and the first time he left his wife. But she took him back, and she felt pleased that she had “won” over the other woman.

    He is often degrading her in front of me and their adult children and their spouses. For example one time when me and my husband sat out on the balcony having coffee, he called her name telling her to come, then he told her to spin, and she did. Then he said : Look how well I can control my wife, laughing. And then told her to leave.
    She does everything for him, gets him food, coffee, and he just sits in the couch watching tv all day long. Never saying thank you, or that it tastes good, unless it reflects him positively, for instance he can say: look how good MY wife is at cooking.

    He´s not working at the time being, but he´s been working as a boss at cerveral companies, making money and been working hard in the past.
    He never says he´s sorry for hurting people, he is not at all interested in listening to other people or their feelings, unless its something he finds interesting, like cellphones or computers or such things.

    He has a very grandios attitude, seeming to think the world revolves around him, both in the way he walks and talks. At the same time he seems to crave admiration.
    The hard thing for me to understand is wether he is a covert or an overt narcissist.
    When he was younger he had a lot of girls surrounding him, and he also seems to have been charming in the beginning of their relationship. Now it seems impossible imagining him ever being charming in the past. They´ve now been married 40 years this summer. And I think he feels pretty sure she´ll never leave him.

    One of the first times they met he said : We are going to get married someday, and she thought that it was romantic I guess.
    But he seems to have given up on the charming part, he is really not good at it, even if he sometimes tries, for instance he can compliment my hair, but I can see in his eyes that he is trying to see how I will react, maybe too see if he can fool me. Even though we all see him as an arrogant jerk.

    So my question is: can a narcissist be bad at charming people even if they are covert narcissists, or
    can they just give up on the charming part when they get older( he is soon 60 years old).
    Or if the narcissist has been with the same partner for a very long time, will they remove their masks just because they get all the narcissistic supply they need?

    Im really interested in hearing what you believe, and learning more about how narcissists work, and knowing how to be able to help my mother in law with the knowledge I´ve gained.

    We have given up hope that she will ever leave him. She´s really co- dependent and in total denial.

    Love your channel and really appreciate what you do for victims of narcissistic abuse.
    / anonoumus.

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