Episode 46 of the “Ask a Question” Show: Is He Treating Her Better Than He Treated Me?

 

 

In this episode of the “Ask a Question” show, “Anonymous” asks, ” Why her and not me? Is he treating her better?” Anonymous wanted to know why her former abusive partner left her for someone else. Even though he was was abusive, she still felt like she was in love with him, and was devastated when he left. He seems so happy now with this new woman, and she is wondering if perhaps she really was the problem like he was telling her all along.

I give me answer, and I hope you will too. Let’s see if we can help to give “Anonymous” along with the other viewers out there the feedback and support they need in order to move forward in getting all of the clarity, closure, and healing possible.

My goal with my videos, blog, and support groups, is to be able to start the conversation about abuse, as I believe it’s the most important conversation that isn’t being had. If you would like to join my support group please visit us at: www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

*Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, however, I was an advocate at a domestic violence shelter for several years, and am currently a psychiatric nurse. My real experience, however, comes from my own life. I have been in several different types of abusive relationships over the past twenty years, and have gone on to rebuild my life, my self-esteem, and my sanity.

I have been able to take my experiences and not only heal from them, but to move forward and thrive, and my goal is to help others do the same.

If you are experiencing any form of abusive or “toxic” relationship, then please know that you aren’t alone; you aren’t crazy, and that you can heal from this.

(((hugs)))

 

 

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Frustrations? Ideas? Need some support? Just want to say hi? Let me know!

Do to the tremendous amount of emails I’ve been getting, the best way to get it touch with me, is thru the support group, as I spend as much time there as I can:

Get Support: www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

Find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Narcissist-Support/864636096909000

 

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 278 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

5 Comments

  1. Hi,

    I want to thank you for all ur videos. And sharing your experiences. I met someone online in a short period of time i was idealized, then devalued, then physically mentally abused. Emotionally and mentally abused. After listening to many of your videos i am confident he has NPD. It hurts to know that there was no love , no care, nothing but evil. There fake cry for pity and then seconds later they r angry n beating u. Very digisting to know i cared and loved an evil being. How manpulitive they are with no heart or remorse. They take thier half truth n rip u apart and accuse u of lying. Constantly suspicious when they are the one doing wrong. Their magic words to keep u traped ” i love u” yet they have no clue what they love about u. They think of u as an object to toss around when they feel like it. Anyway thank you again. Im glad i listened and know that all his apology is fake and I should never think twice to go back to the hell i was in. Bc he will not chng. Part of me before listening to videos was contemplating on forgiving n giving him a second chance. Thank goodness i listened to the videos that these ppl never chng. They get worse. He made me feel like i was going crazy with his constant accusations and rage over little things. Pls pray for me as i am still in the process of divorcing this evil person from my life. I pray i can trust again. Can u pls advise on that. How did u cope with learning to trust men again. Im so hurt and feel betrayed. Not sure how to trust again. Thnx take care

  2. I’m sorry you went through this, but am thrilled that you are now able to see his behaviors for what they are–and also that you can see that he isn’t sincerely motivated to change, and that he has a TON of deal breaker behavior. So yay you for that!

    You ask how to go about trusting men again, and I’ll give you my two cents on this. 🙂

    His gender isn’t the problem, it’s his behavior that’s the problem. I say this because LOTS of people (myself included) tend to learn the wrong lessons when they experience emotional pain. And it’s understandable, as our brains link up what was different about this situation and equate that to what caused us pain–but oftentimes that’s not what really caused us the pain.

    Let me give you another example, as I hear comments all the time about this. If someone has been in a series of painful relationships, they might tell themselves, “Well I’m never dating another red head again” or “I’m never dating an Italian man again” or “I’m never dating a younger man again.” But really, it’s not the red hair, the nationality, or the age that’s the problem–it’s the behavior of that person that’s the problem, and because people aren’t seeing the red flags for what they are (due to several different factors this one being a big one: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/dating-a-narcissist/) they tend to keep running into the same problematic people–just with a different name, hair color, or nationality–and then they think to themselves that they just somehow attract these people (which you don’t–there are just a lot of jerks out there, and we all attract the wide range of people).

    Once you can learn to spot problematic behavior for what it is, you will develop more confidence in yourself and in your abilities to trust people–because your issues with trusting others can’t be dependent upon others breaking your trust–because there is no shortage of untrustworthy people out there–you need to learn to trust yourself to keep you safe, and once you do that, you’ll regain power and control over yourself, your trust, your self-esteem, all of it. <3

  3. Hi im 9 weeks into no contact and finding it really difficult to get over the lies, deceit and cheating from a person i truly gave my heart to as does everyone who suffers at the hands of these people.I would like to ask if anyone can answer… why dont these people just have flings or one night stands or short term relationships with people wanting the similar set up instead of inflicting such hurt on genuine caring people who are in for the long haul of a loving meaningful relationship something that they have no intention of from the off… Thank you

  4. Great question. I think it’s because they want to have their cake and eat it too. I wondered the same thing about my relationship with Jack–especially since I was the one who didn’t want a relationship, he did! I would have been totally fine with casually dating him. But that’s the thing with Narcissists, they are all about themselves, and want what they want.

    If you haven’t already joined the support group, I would encourage you to do so, as it is really, well, supportive. 🙂

    http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

    (((hugs))) to you. You won’t always feel this way. Try to take some time today (and every day) to go out and do something that you really enjoy.

  5. Hi. I really appreciate your videos. Would you ever be willing to talk about domestic violence in the LGBT community or domestic violence towards men? It would really encourage me because I recently escaped a domestic violence situation with my ex boyfriend and I have yet to find any resources for people in my situation.

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