Narcissists do not change. No amount of therapy or medications will help them, and they are incredibly dangerous and destructive people. If a Narcissist seems to have better behavior, it generally doesn’t last for any length of time, or if it does seem to last, then they’ve just gotten better at hiding things.
Masks of a Narcissist: Refers to the different “faces” that the Narcissist shows in public as well as to the victim. These different masks are often socially acceptable, or even desirable masks. They are often the persona of the great parent, the church-goer, the volunteer, the world’s best spouse, the charming and funny person. However, those close to the Narcissist knows that many times their actions are very different than those of the people that they pretend to be.
Mask (of a Narcissist) slipping: When a Narcissist’s mask slips, it is usually only the victim that sees this–although others may from time-to-time see it too, (they just don’t know what they are seeing, and often chalk it up to the abuser having a bad day). It is during this time that the Narcissist’s true self, which is composed of deception, manipulation, and cold, calloused, calculating behavior is revealed. Many victims are terrified of the person they really see when the mask slips, and often describe them as “pure evil”.
Mask (of Narcissist) coming off: The Narcissist generally only intentionally takes off his/her mask during the “discard” phase of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle. Regardless if the victim discards the Narcissist, or if the Narcissist discards the victim, it is during this time that the victim is in the most danger, as the Narcissist’s lack of remorse, regard and empathy are often fueled by his impulsiveness to quickly move on to his new supply–and the victim is seen as nothing more than an obstacle that he needs to dispose of. It is at this time where victims are the most likely to be physically hurt of killed. When the victim sees the Narcissist for what he really is, she is usually terrified, and realizes that he is truly capable of anything.
It is important to note that all Narcissists should be viewed as the dangerous and unpredictable people that they are. Just because a Narcissist doesn’t have a past history of violence, doesn’t mean that they won’t become violent once their mask slips or comes off completely. Victims need to be extra careful at this time, and ideally should have a safety plan in place.
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Latest posts by Dana (see all)
- Episode 30: Book Club Discussion on “Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse” by Joanna Moore - June 27, 2017
- Live Stream from June 21, 2017 - June 25, 2017
- Episode 28: Gratitude Can Help Keep You Grounded - March 21, 2017