Explanation of the Different Masks of a Narcissist

masks of a narcissist

 

Narcissists do not change.  No amount of therapy or medications will help them, and they are incredibly dangerous and destructive people.  If a Narcissist seems to have better behavior, it generally doesn’t last for any length of time, or if it does seem to last, then they’ve just gotten better at hiding things.

Masks of a Narcissist: Refers to the different “faces” that the Narcissist shows in public as well as to the victim.  These different masks are often socially acceptable, or even desirable masks.  They are often the persona of the great parent, the church-goer, the volunteer, the world’s best spouse, the charming and funny person.  However, those close to the Narcissist knows that many times their actions are very different than those of the people that they pretend to be.

Mask (of a Narcissist) slipping: When a Narcissist’s mask slips, it is usually only the victim that sees this–although others may from time-to-time see it too, (they just don’t know what they are seeing, and often chalk it up to the abuser having a bad day). It is during this time that the Narcissist’s true self, which is composed of deception, manipulation, and cold, calloused, calculating behavior is revealed.  Many victims are terrified of the person they really see when the mask slips, and often describe them as “pure evil”.

Mask (of Narcissist) coming off: The Narcissist generally only intentionally takes off his/her mask during the “discard” phase of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle.  Regardless if the victim discards the Narcissist, or if the Narcissist discards the victim, it is during this time that the victim is in the most danger, as the Narcissist’s lack of remorse, regard and empathy are often fueled by his impulsiveness to quickly move on to his new supply–and the victim is seen as nothing more than an obstacle that he needs to dispose of. It is at this time where victims are the most likely to be physically hurt of killed. When the victim sees the Narcissist for what he really is, she is usually terrified, and realizes that he is truly capable of anything.

It is important to note that all Narcissists should be viewed as the dangerous and unpredictable people that they are.  Just because a Narcissist doesn’t have a past history of violence, doesn’t mean that they won’t become violent once their mask slips or comes off completely.  Victims need to be extra careful at this time, and ideally should have a safety plan in place.

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 308 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

1 Comment

  1. This week I left my boyfriend of over a year… It did not take me long to realise he has a narcissistic personality disorder, but I still love him.

    I am aware I am in love with a dream, a fairytale, but it hurts so much I don’t know how I am going to let go.

    He charmed me for months and I remember telling myself “this is too good to be true”, but I ignored my gut and stupidly followed my heart. But the cracks eventually started to show; I found out that during the first three months of our relationship he was still with his ex and leading a double life. He went on holiday with her to America (he told me he was going with a male friend). He told me the tickets were booked before they met; after getting in touch with his hurt ex she sent me his plane ticket which was booked two months after we met. He would and will do anything to gain narcissistic supply. He denied booking his ticket whilst we were together even though I sent him the evidence. He could not accept he had been found out; he tried to manipulate me into thinking it was my fault by bringing up sad stories about past relationships and I stupidly took him back. This is just one example. He used triangulation, gaslighting and projection to confuse and manipulate me. I finally had the courage to break up with him and had all good intentions to ignore him; but after 100 messages and many missed phone calls I caved… I HAD to send him once last email telling him, in a roundabout way and never directly stating, that he has a narcissistic personality and I was his narcissistic supply. I offered him help and support. I was met with more manipulation and denial so I gave up. He “apparently” sent this email to one of his exes (one who apparently left him and broke his heart) to get her view. He sent me “her” reply (that’s if it was her writing it, there was no forwarding address which leads me to believes he had written the email pretending to be her) her reply basically made me out to look like the one in the “wrong” and he was portrayed as near enough the perfect boyfriend.

    Today I sent my last message saying “I wish you all the best. This is my final goodbye. Do not contact me again.” He replied saying that is ok with him, followed by some further projection, manipulation and getting me to feel sorry for him speak (this continued for two more messages, so far). I have not replied and will continue to ignore him.

    I feel completely broken. All that I came to know and believe has been ripped from me. My hopes for a perfect future, the bond with his parents and two children.

    He turned my life upside down for the better I used to say… Now I see no life; just lies, deciept and sadness.

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