I just got done watching 3 of your YouTube videos.
I have been in a state of disbelief and denial about my ex being a true narcissist.
I have wanted to tell my story but wanted to remain anonymous.
Please share this so that other women can know they are not alone.
I have been to that counselor, I mentioned in a previous email, about 5 times now. He has 40+ years of experience in social services and is well versed in domestic situations. He reminds me that I am strong and amazing because I had the courage to leave. To question the disturbing element and not stand for the lies, abuse, discard any longer and left. He has also expressed his anxiety (yes, he said anxiety on two different occasions, that I would go back to my ex. He is correct in being concerned.
Even today, if my ex-D- were to call and apologize, or show up and apologize(which wont happen, I moved out of state) I cant say without a doubt that I wouldn’t go back to him. I miss the person I thought he was so immensely…
My counselor also helped me to realize that this is not my first experience w/narcissists, and that I am valuable, even alone.
He, also, told me about the average of 7 times to leave- I did not take notice until I actually, just now, counted the times I have left…7. This last move, out of state, out of his house- Seven times.
Mind f$%ed 7 times.
I have been struggling with wanting him to contact me, and being hurt that he hasn’t, but understanding deep down that no good will come of it. I am hurt and dismayed that he can move on so callously- after all the time, effort, emotion- not to mention 10’s of thousands of dollars I put into the 6+ years I spent with(and without) him- Pining for him- always making the first move, first contact, just to keep him in my life.
I do not have a degree, but I am a highly intelligent, warm, fun loving person (the past few months you would have a hard time seeing that in me though). I am 45 years old and would never have imagined that:
1. This kind of emotional abuse could or would happen to me
2. This kind of emotional abuse would happen at the hands of HIM. He was the one that said soul mate, past lives, twin flames, dreams, coincidences in out history…
I have been torn with hurt and anger and confusion over him not contacting me.
It’s still very hard to accept.
‘Am I the one hoovering’
‘What is the grand finale’
‘What to expect in a breakup with the narc’
and the others I have watched,
ARE SO HELPFUL.
I still look at my phone, and emails in the hopes that he’ll contact me, but that’s just ego. I KNOW he does not truly love me, not the same way I love/loved him. Even before I learned that he was a narcissist, I knew that his type of ‘loving me’ was not enough.
Now I am estranged from him and his 16 year old daughter(I’ve known her since she was 9- I treated her as my own) at their own hands. He supported her behavior and disrespect of me…
This has been the loneliest and darkest time of my life.
I have considered a prescription medication to help, but the more I pray, meditate, think good thoughts,, and honestly, just keep moving, I feel better everyday and hope I will not need to be on medication.
I have to step away from the NARC Support sites(I follow 4- yours is one) because it feels so negative but I do check in everyday.
Thank you for sharing your story and to help other women to see their worth.
I know I didn’t tell my story and that is because I am at work and I wanted to tell you how much your support and knowledge has helped me… I am grateful and I now know that my mission as a empath/healer includes helping other women, young and old, to see that they are worthy, just as they are.
I am available to help in any way I can.
Thank you again.
If you would like to share part of your story, please email it to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Also, please make sure to let me know of any name changes you’d like to have made–and please keep details vague enough to protect your identity and/or location if this is a concern.
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.