The way my relationship with my ex Narc unfolded and ended still haunts me and I find it difficult to move on. Here is my story.
After 4 years of being alone after my divorce, I decided to give myself a go at the dating scene again. I met a guy and at first I was not interested because I still had fears of getting hurt again –anyway, this guy was very charming and persistent and in the end, I was swept off my feet. After a few months of talking and dating,
we became an item. I could not have been happier….so I thought.
The first 3 months, we were always together, he was very attentive, helpful and romantic. This was our honeymoon period, Sex was incredible,lots of complements gifts, just perfect moments. He would show up at my door to surprise me and we would talk for hours and had fun together.
As the months pass by, he became more and more possessive and jealous. He would check on my whereabouts on a regular basis and if I failed to answer his calls or messages right away, he would message me asking if I was with someone else. He was jealous of all my friends, male or female and checked on my Facebook constantly.
I thought at first he must love me that much but eventually it became worse. One day he told me he will be away for a while, I asked him where he was going and why so urgent. It took him a while to tell me, first making me promise I will not get mad if he tells me and that I will stay. I saw the fear in his eyes and I thought he is
hiding something. Then he dropped the bombshell, he is being sent to prison. I was shocked! I didn’t understand why, no clue what he has done. Then he eventually told me that his ex took him to court and he was charged with mishandling her children (not his) I was in love with this man so I believed all his side of the story, that it was all lies and his ex had better lawyer so he has to spend 2 months
And so he was sent away but we wrote to each other letters everyday. He would call me regularly and would tell me how scared he is of losing me . I was blinded by my love for him, and I waited for him. In a short amount of time he was out again and we reconnected. I tried to forget his past as he was such a nice guy in my eyes. He gave me a ring one New Year’s eve and I thought things will be even better. He spoke about us moving in together but for some reason I have this feeling in my gut that I should not. I asked him to give me a couple of months to think and he was okay with it.
One thing that disturbed me is that he has a lot of female friends and he seemed to love the attention. I confronted him about a particular woman who kept posting raunchy comments on his Facebook and he told me not to pay attention because she is just someone he knows and she is crazy anyway. In my mind, all his exes were either crazy or
unfaithful or gold diggers. He even has a lot to say against his mother and sister.
For me it was odd that he showed such contempt and disrespect to these women. I started to question my judgment and why I chose him but at the same time, I got so connected with him. I loved him.
Then a week before my birthday, he was away to attend a family reunion for 2 days. He promised to send me photos of the event and posted one on Facebook. Then one woman wrote a raunchy comment again, I didn’t pay attention but what made me take a second look at the comment was her profile photo. She had a new
one, half naked. I thought it was not suitable, but anyway, it was the background of the photo that took my full attention. I recognized it..it was in my man’s flat!
My heart was racing and I called him for explanation. He was surprised and said he didn’t know anything about it. What a lie! I couldn’t get him to tell me the truth so I contacted the woman and she replied saying they were seeing each other. I was crushed.
When he got back, I ended the relationship and gave him back the ring. He told me it was her who threw herself on him. I told him from the beginning that I will not tolerate a triangle. I went home broken hearted. He unfriended her and after a few weeks , he came back asking for another chance and said things will be different and
I was the only one for him. Silly me I took him back.
It was great in the beginning but his mask started to unfold. He would lie about everything, even small things, his temper became very erratic and would call me names. Nothing was his fault, always mine. I consider myself headstrong and I do not give in to demands
and control, but for some reason, I kept on with the relationship.
I helped him in every way. he always complained about not having money even if he has a good job, so I would help him out. I found out that he owed that woman lots of money and she has been buying him whatever he wants. I asked him if he has paid her back and he
said yes..but the woman said he has not…until now. I don’t think he is considering paying her back. He still is seeing her and other women. I am so disgusted.
I am no longer with him and I feel sick with the thought of hooking up with him and loving him when he never really respected me. Since then I have read many articles on such behaviour. I realized he is a Narcissist because a lot of the characteristics fit him.
He is a pathological liar,arrogant, no empathy whatsoever, controlling, womanizer, cheat, grandiose (he lives off of women giving him gifts and money and attention) all knowing, always right, bad tempered and more. He uses silent treatment when he knows he is caught and gas lighting. He blames everyone else except himself, and looks down at people in lower class than he is. He is good at triangulation, as what he did to me and now he has a new supply . The list never ends.
The latest? Oh, he blames me for ruining his life because he got busted for all his womanizing and all his lies, but
I didn’t do anything except to fall for him. I told him he is the biggest mistake I ever made in my life, he was not happy to hear that. I wonder what he tells his new supply about me but I don’t care anymore because I know him too well. I am happier now on my own and I know I will find the right one for me in the end. Lessons
learned. Narcs are evil and they suck the soul out of us giving people.
Thank you for this chance to write and get everything out of my chest. More power to you.
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My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.