Leni’s Story

narcissistic behavior in relationships
hey dana,
so after watching a few videos of yours (like them so much, good job!)  and visiting your homepage, i want to tell you my story, which is not a relationship-story but from my ex-roommate. i found out that she was a total psychopath after 2 months living with here and it really changed the way i see people.
i am much more sensitive to this subject and it is very hard if the rest of the world sees a fun-loving girl but is in fact a narcissist who is slowly drowning you.
she made my life a total hell and i am still thinking about her because she was plain crazy but made it look as if i was the crazy one.
You can use it on your page if it is helpful…
I am writing you from Germany , so i hope my english isn’t too bad and you can understand me!
First of all, my name is Leni, I am 25 and i live in Munich and am a design- & fashion student ( yeah, full of narcissists unfortunately, it is not a clichè).
So when i moved to Munich with my boyfriend we were looking for apartments, but a friend of mine told us that a friend of hers has a huge flat in munich and is currently looking for 2 roommates, a couple would be no problem.
let’s name that longhaird, pouty-lips girl rita ( not her real name of course). so we visited rita and her roommate constantine (also not his real name) in munich.  they were very interested in us, seemed to have similar opinions about living together and she was very caring and charming, already making plans about us going to events in munich etc.
that was our first impression. so we moved in one week later. The first evening we moved in, she brought me hot chocolate to my bed and i thought she must be a really good girl. soon i realised she wanted to make me her best new friend, she was love-friendship-bombing hardcore. but i am totally different to her and rather an introvert, shy and i need time until i trust someone. she is the complete contrary; loud, an extrovert, needs attention all the time.
so she told me immediately all sorts of stuff from her life that were so crazy that i was fascinated one the one hand but sceptical on the other hand. also a lot of intimate stuff that i just felt uncomfortable knowing. she wanted to tell me also that much about my life, but i was careful because i didn’t feel like it was right and so i talked to her, but not in detail. later she would tell everybody that i could not open myself and she would really play out my weaknesses.
so it didn’t work that i would become her best friend and she was going really mad about it!
the situation at home would be that she was always in the kitchen which was the living room at the same time: smoking all the time, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, listening to loud music and singing, dancing, acting. she needed stimualtion every second. it was just too much. and she couldn’t accept it if someone did not want to eat in cigarette smoke or listening her music all the time. it was just not an option. you could not discuss with her.
the other roommate, Constantine, stood up every morning at 6 to make her coffee and bring it to her bed. because that is what she wanted. soon i found out that she was playing with him and his emotions. he was in love with her and she used him sexually whenever there was no other guy available. she had different men in her bedroom almost every night, making super loud noises and keeping everybody awake.
she also tried to flirt with my boyfriend, while she was wearing a see-through-shirt and no underwear. i would say that she had a nymphomanic thing going on too. when i talked to consti he admitted that she was almost raping him but he then played it down. but he was obviously suffering, playing it down by saying it was her temperament ( she is from bolivia originally). She was playing out that card a lot, that she is some bolivian diva , so exotic and open-minded and you can have so much fun with her. sex and weed all the time. she had at least 150 guys in bed when we were living there.
Another thing is nudity.
she was wearing almost nothing, no underwear, even sitting down in front of my friends with no underwear and open legs!
smiling al the time, because everybody was shocked  and that was boosting her ego big time. her public image was that free-spirit-hippie-chick she could herself flower-girl and that she was uncomplicated. she liked pointing out on me that i was prude and uptight and a loner and she could not be with such a grey mouse like me. though she was not super pretty, she was so charming and convincing and really manipulative that all my friends saw her as a godess and my mistakes only. she was fighting for my friends to become hers!
and even when i told them what she did, when she was with them she was soo charming and sweet and acussing me of lying…and she said i was just jealous because she is such an sexy latina and i am just an ordinary girl.
she played out everybody: she was having sex with the roommate, playing with his feelings, being naked in front of him and asking him for money all the time. he paid for her food and weed and sometimes the rent. she had several open relationships while having sex with her ex-boyfriend who broke up because she had sex with his best friend …and to top it all she had quite a lot of sexually transmitted diseases (gonorrhea and syphillis), as well as 2 abortions! once i caught her and a couple in the kitchen talking about having a threesome and she was very interested in it, but 5 minutes later ran out enraged, slamming doors and screaming if she can not play the leading part, if it was not all about her than she would not do it.
she admitted that she has had sex with every roommate who has lived with her and that she has a problem with females. guys were the object, girls the enemy and she was the predator.  she used to always have 1 best friend who would become like her sister but it usually never worked long-term. that best-friend thing was a pattern that always repeated with someone else. she also used people financially, like telling us the rent was 490€ for one room, but we later found out it was just 250€. and the guys who moved in after us paid even 770€. so she kept the rest for herself buying a lot of expensive stuff or going on trips around the world and taking pictures of herself.
and facebook was her life.
she has thousands of “friends” online and even more pictures of herself, often naked or in see-through-dresses etc. it was her addiction and she was seeking there for more male victims and attention. it was all about the attention for her. and i didn’t give it to her so she started first giggling about me, putting me down when nobody was with us, scratching and beating me, pulling my hair,  coming really close to me when she was talking and staring at me, insulting me, pulling me, shouting at me, stealing my stuff or going to our room and putting her clothes in there and accussing me of stealing. or just going in the room and putting things to another corner just enough so that i knew she was there. and sadly “stealing” my friends.
they were going out with her and she would tell lies about me and unfortunately she did that really well. she could almost smell my weak points and pointed that out to my friends like: ” Don’t you also hate that she is such an introvert? always quiet and not much socialising?”
she really hit a nerve on a few friends and soon they were her friends. and she let me know that of course. it became her goal to put me down. she terrorized me mentally and all i could do was to get out of her way and not search for confrontation because that made her even worse.
we lived there 6 months, and moved out as quickly as possible. she stole us money and kept our bond/ security guarantee until this day. i wrote her an e-mail which said that she is a crazy psychopath ..which she mailed to all of her and my friends which made me lose quite a lot of friendships.
She even starved herself and lost a lot of weight, telling everybody that i told her she was fat  ( and making me look as if it was my fault).
even this e-mail can not describe her, she was just horror but all the guys and girls were flying around her like flies. she was seeking attention all the time, staying up all night , she hardly slept but was full of energy ( sucking the energy out of me like a vampire or something),  expressing herself in conceited, old-fashioned words (trying to be eloquent and intelligent)  to make her even more special, talking about herself in third person all the time like ” rita now wants to smoke some weed and can you make little rita-sweety a coffee?”, talking about how cool and different she is and her sexual experiences and how much she travelled and festivals she visited and she is so grown-up but in her heart she’s such a pretty hippie-flower-girl.
she is working with kids and playing a role of I-am-so-social-and-helpful.  she also admitted that she would love to have sex with her dad who lives in bolivia and some other really strange things.
unfortunately i could write a book about her and the lies and all the crazy stuff that happened…uargh. there are so much more things and i just lived there six months.
But that experience really opened my eyes when it comes to strange people and i now trust my gut-feeling completely whenever i think something is wrong with someone.
In Fashion-School i met so many narcissists, and i just do not give them any attention because that is what is feeding them. Especially people in design are often very self-centered or even narcissists, but i know how to spot and avoid them now.
So Dana, i hope this was not too confusing and my grammar not too bad. i hope you can maybe use it in some way and it would be cool for people who have something to do with a narcissist even if it is not a classic relationship. best is to not give them energy, to put the ipod in your ears and ignore them as far as possible, and get out of their way because confrontation is useless.
I really like your videos and hope you keep on making them! 🙂
lots of love,
leni

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 254 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

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