“Lola’s” Story

narcissistic behavior in relationships

Dear Dana,

When I married my narcissist I was in heaven. He was everything I wanted: charming, handsome and caring, little did I know that I was about to live a horrible abusive life with this man for 20 years.

It was always about him and his needs. What he wanted to do how he wanted to do things and I was nothing but his maid and lover. Once our son was born it got worse. He began to resent our son because I focused my attention on our son and not him. So began the physical abuse and then the emotional abuse just kept getting worse.

Every time I would leave him he would use our son as leverage saying how he would make sure I never saw him again. He scared me so I stayed. Things would get better over the years but as long as it was all about him and his needs. Well then came our second son and this time was not so bad because he was too involved in his job and always working, so I thought. This is when he became unfaithful and I threatened to leave and take the boys with me and he would not have me leave him so he stopped his affair.

We tried to work things out but he just became so controlling and manipulating. He confided in me that he wanted to get into the swinging lifestyle and I would not have that at all. But he threatened to take everything from me and beat me so bad if I did not do this with him I had no choice. So we began to do this swinging thing and when things were not going his way I was to blame and when we got home I really got a beating of my life and he even put a loaded gun in mouth and dropped me off at the worst neighborhood in our town so that I could be raped but I got away and phoned for help.

It was to the point where he was making me sleep on the floor in our bedroom and I could only sleep in the bed when he wanted sex. That was it for me. I went to work and that day left work early and met with an attorney. When I got home my attorney had already called his attorney and that was all it took. He tried to kill himself that day and spent 3 days in a mental ward. After that he begged and pleaded for me not to leave him and was acting like the man I had fallen in love with, but I knew the narcissistic monster that he had in him would never leave.

During and after our divorce he continued to stalk me and try to get me to come back and when I wouldn’t budge he started with the lies about me to all of our friends and his family. Anything he could do to hurt me because I had hurt him. We have been divorced for 4 years now and it has been as if I am still married to him he constantly calls, emails and texts me and is still speaking badly of me and telling everyone how crazy I am.

He now has a 26 year old girlfriend, she is 20 years younger than he is and is the perfect target for him. I found it very odd how she resembles me in my younger years and how is already controlling her but yet still cannot stop talking about me to her which is why she hates me.

He loves the triangle of us fighting over him but in reality I am only defending myself and trying to help this young girl realize she is wasting her life by being with him when he really has nothing to offer her.

He still calls and texts and emails me saying how I ruined his life and how it is my entire fault for breaking up our family. Our boys minimize their time with their father because of how he treats them my oldest moved out of his father’s home because of the constant belittling and jealousy my ex had toward our son. Well our youngest is 12 and really tries to reach out to his father but only to be punished for not wanting to meet this girl my ex is seeing ,telling our son that until he meets her he will not spend any time with him .

The countless hours I have spent holding my son crying for his father. But a true narcissist he is, not caring who he hurts as long as he gets what he wants. I hope and pray every day for the strength to keep trying to only speak with my ex about the boys and at times am quite difficult and I allow him to torment me and pull me down.

Follow Me

Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Follow Me

Latest posts by Dana (see all)

Must Read: Psychopath Free

psychopath free
About Dana 324 Articles

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of “in the trenches” experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It’s for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

2 Comments

  1. Lola, thank you for sharing your story so that others can see that there is a way out of the narcissist’s madness. And it sounds like you managed to keep your sanity and best of all had the courage to leave him. I applaud you for your courage. It should be illegal to emotionally and psychologically torture people in this way. Your story made me think about my 2 preschoolers and how I feel so sad that they are obsessed already with getting his attention because he is emotionally unavailable. The best thing we can do for them is get them in with a therapist so the healing can be done earlier than later and they can learn coping strategies for what could be a life of a very confusing and hurtful relationship with these men.

  2. I left my narcissist after 35 yrs of marriage. He was crazy and cruel, but not as bad as Lola’s was. Why do they try to convince others that we are the crazy ones after we divorce them? Thank goodness our boys were grown when I left so I have been able to maintain strict no contact with him. Yet, for the past 5 yrs my ex still continues his smear campaign. Will he do that forever?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.