There really is no limit to what a Narcissist will say or do when they are in their “hoovering” phase. They tend to throw every guilt trip and pity ploy out there at their victim with the hopes of finding a weak link in their armor. One of these pity ploys is the “I’ve-changed-because-now-I’ve-found-God” ploy.
Like with their other pity ploys, they are trying to get you to think with your heart and not with your head.
Don’t fall for it.
If your ex-Narcissist is saying that they found God, trust me, it’s nothing more than another Narcissist Hoovering manipulation–just like everything else they say and do.
Now I know that those of you out there who are religious want so badly to think that if a person finds God, that their whole life will change. And for many people it does–if they truly find God. But Narcissists don’t change, because they never truly find God. If anything them claiming to “find God” just makes them worse. Once they realize that “finding God” is a very effective manipulation technique to dupe others who have found God, their con game then moves to a whole new level. Now they are able to have all sorts of terrible behavior, and then once found out, run back to their church family and be warmly accepted and embraced (getting tons of attention) while their true victim (whomever they last used for some sort of Narcissistic supply: sex, food, clothing, shelter, status, money, etc.) is now demonized as a jezebel who led this rightous person off track.
After all, a great way to manipulate people is to pretend you are the same religious faith they are, as people have their guard down when it comes to meeting people with the same spiritual beliefs. It’s because we all operate from this “Just World” perspective, in which we think the world is fair and just, and that people (especially people of the same faith) have the same morals and values as us. Many Narcissists not only go to church, but are leaders of the youth ministry, or a pastor themselves! They don’t do this because they actually subscribe to this belief system. They are doing it to enhance their public image, as well as to continue manipulating people.
Don’t listen to what a Narcissist says–ever. Look at their consistent actions.
If they are professing to be Christian, are they acting like a Christian when no one else is looking? If they are cheating, lying, stealing, and manipulating, then they really haven’t found God, and they aren’t following their belief system. If you want to see if change is possible, then let them prove it to you over the span of six months. Don’t immediately drop your guard because they go to church once or twice. (Narcissists generally only “change” for as long as they need to keep up the act in order to hook their victim–usually a few weeks.)
Narcissists manipulate. It’s what they do. Everything is a game to them, and they play to win. They will never stop. They will never love you. They will never respect you. Medications don’t help, and therapy just makes them worse.
It’s for these reasons that I encourage you to stand strong in your faith and your common sense.
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Frustrations? Ideas for posts or videos? Just want to say hi? Email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org or find me on Facebook.
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Latest posts by Dana (see all)
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- Episode 99: Live Stream with Richard Grannon - December 11, 2017
- Episode 98: Book Club on Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship by Adelyn Birch - December 4, 2017