“Narcissistic Supply” is a term that refers to anything that a Narcissist uses to get his or her ego fed. Narcissistic Supply generally refers to victims, or potential victims, of a Narcissist, however a source of supply can also be a car, a job, a home, or anything else that provides status and clout. Victims are considered to be “supply” because they supply the Narcissist with attention and emotional energy which feeds the Narcissist’s insatiable ego. (This is also why Narcissists are often referred to as “energy vampires.”) Since Narcissists need to constantly feed, they always have their “supply” lined up in an order of Plan (Supply) A,B,C,D,E,F and so on down the line. Everyone that the Narcissist is capable of contacting, from exgirlfriends from decades ago to their children) is somewhere in this supply chain–although many times they tend to pick a target that they can feed the most from, and these supplies tend to be the ones closest to them–generally their spouses, lovers on the side, and/or their children.
If a Narcissist needs a fix, and his easily accessible supply isn’t available, or he’s grown bored with it, it is not uncommon for them to target a former significant other. The age of the former relationship doesn’t come into play. The Narcissist might try and re-enter a former supply’s life years, if not decades, after the relationship is over–oftentimes acting like nothing ever happened. This attempt at re-entering their life is usually done by sending a small form of “innocent” communication that tests the water. These seemingly innocent forms of communication are designed to pull the victim back (hoovering) in for another go round at a roller coaster of a relationship with them, or to prod them into an explosive negative reaction. Either way the Narcissist wins: the former lover will either be lured back into a relationship with the Narcissist, which feeds his ego, or the former lover will be angry and highly reactive, which also feeds the Narcissist’s ego. (The more reaction a Narcissist can get out of a person, either positive or negative, feeds their ego.)There are only two ways to avoid being part of a Narcissist’s supply, and that is to go “No Contact” or if going no contact is impossible for some reason, they you can go “gray rock”.
If a Narcissist is feeding off their children, it is usually because children also offer a similar extreme positive or negative reaction, much like former significant others, and are highly reactive to their praise or scorn. When the Narcissist is in public, they often come across as the world’s greatest parent–but behind closed doors their demeanor changes frequently from loving and nice to cruel, cold and inattentive. Because the Narcissist is driven by the need to feed his ego, his whims and desires always come first, and his regard for his family comes second. These whims often include any type of reckless behavior: multiple affairs, addictions, alcoholism, and gross mismanagement of household funds (to name a few).
Narcissists are more than just energy vampires, they create chaos and destruction everywhere they go, and the aftermath is horrible. Narcissists don’t ever change, in fact, they tend to get worse with age.
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My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Latest posts by Dana (see all)
- Episode 30: Book Club Discussion on “Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse” by Joanna Moore - June 27, 2017
- Live Stream from June 21, 2017 - June 25, 2017
- Episode 28: Gratitude Can Help Keep You Grounded - March 21, 2017