Do Narcissists Cheat During their Silent Treatment?

silent treatment and narcissists

 

Narcissists are well-known for four main things: lying, cheating, manipulating, and more lying. And even though it’s really painful to hear this, it probably comes as no surprise: they do all four of these things time, and time (and time) again.

The cycle of a Narcissistic relationship:

So let me back up a bit an explain the cycle of a Narcissistic relationship, because then I think what I’m going to say about the silent treatment, will make more sense. (Bear with me here.) A relationship with a Narcissist runs a very predictable course with three main components: idealize, devalue, discard.  (My take on it is that there are five main stages, so I’m just gonna run with my theory on it all, which is: idealize, devalue, replace, discard, hoover. )

However, these five main components are not always easily seen. Sometimes the relationship is stronger in one area than another. Some relationships are really heavy on the Idealize stage, light on the devalue, and then heavy on the discard.  Or light on the idealize stage, heavy on the devalue and medium on the discard.  (My two main relationships with Narcissists didn’t have an obvious devalue stage, and went from idealize to discard–although, knowing what I know now, they probably were devaluing me, but just behind my back.) Just like with everything else it is a spectrum.

The “idealize” phase of a Narcissistic relationship (This stage often only last a few months at the most.):

– Love bombing. Love bombing in a nutshell is constant communication and complements.  The most obvious love bombing techniques are done by online dating scammers.  Love bombing is when the scammer/Narcissist (same damn thing) lays it on really thick, telling the victim how amazing, and beautiful they are.  According to them, you have no flaws. If done right, this level comes across as very sincere, and the victim often thinks they’ve finally met someone who seems to appreciate them for who they really are.

Mirroring.  This is where the Narcissist “mirrors” everything you love, or that is important to you–back to you.  They’ll have the same hopes and dreams, as well as the same insecurities.

– The “soul mate” connection. You are special and unique. The connection you have is special and unique. A soul mate. You are everything they ever hoped existed in a human being. You can’t deny this connection.

– Victim/hero stories. You feel sympathetic and caring towards them. Whatever happened wasn’t really their fault. They fell back into drugs or drinking. Other women seduced him. He had to steal money to make ends meet. He was just so depressed and missed you so much he didn’t know how to cope.

– Future faking. You can have this great life together. You want to get married and adopt ten children? So do they–and best of all, they want to do it with you.  You want to sell everything  you own and start a salmon spawning operation in the middle of BFE Alaska? So do they, but only with you. Whatever future you want, they want it too. If this is your second (or more) time around this cycle with them, then the future faking will include promises that everything will be different. Rehab, counseling, you name it, they’ll do it. After all, what you have is so special they are willing to fight for it and give it all they have…but they want this future with you. (In case my sarcasm wasn’t clear enough, they are dirty little liars, and they don’t want a future with you, or with anyone else really–they just want what they want right now, and they’ll say whatever they need to say to get it.)

– Guilt (if you don’t fall for steps 1-5). Aren’t you willing to fight for this relationship too? If you aren’t then commitment must mean more to them that it does to you. They took their vows seriously. No one is perfect. After all, you did x,y, and z, and they forgave you. Think of the kids. Think of your faith. Christmas/some other holiday is coming up, maybe you’ll let them stay until then. Just give them another chance. This time they really mean it. Or maybe you have trust issues. Issues with men? Issues with your mom? Issues with your dad? Issues with how perfect they seem to be? You’ve got to have some issues in there somewhere, because there’s no other damn good reason as to why you aren’t falling for their con!  (Maybe your issue is that you just have a good BS detector!)

– Gotcha! Now you’ve told them you love them, or that you’ll give them that 5,346 chance to make things different.  Now stage 2 (or 3) begins.

The “devalue” stage of a Narcissistic relationship (This stage often lasts months to years.):

– Lies become more clear.

– The mask begins to slip. Things don’t add up.

– Everything is your fault.

– Their attention stops or greatly diminishes.

– You are the one with the problems.

– Name calling, insults, put downs.

– Possible physical abuse.

The  hidden “replace” stage of a Narcissistic relationship: 

They have drained a lot of your supply, and are now becoming bored.  Something shiny and new has crossed their path, and their ego is now wide awake and looking to feed. Maybe you caught them texting another woman, or maybe they didn’t even bother to come home.  Odds are you’ve caught them doing something weird, and now you are getting the dreaded silent treatment. The silent treatment with a Narcissist can last days, if not weeks.  It’s torture for anyone who is on the receiving end of it–especially if it feels like they are over-reacting by giving it to you in the first place.  But here’s the real deal behind the silent treatment: they are love bombing their new supply.  That shit takes energy and effort, and if they don’t have to worry about entertaining or interacting with you, then it’s that much easier for them.

The “discard” stage of a Narcissistic relationship:

You are left with a note, a text, an email or a brief conversation that informs you that they aren’t happy and want a divorce/are leaving. Your head is spinning. What happened? You had no idea that they were so unhappy. Why didn’t they talk to you about this sooner? They explain how maybe they just need time, or that because of all your behavior they need to end things. You feel terrible and like a failure that you let this great person (minus all the cheating, stealing and lies) go. Boy, you really have a lot to work on!

The obvious “replace” stage of a Narcissistic relationship:

You are quickly and seamlessly replaced by someone new. This happens at a jaw dropping speed, odds are you are devastated, and left wondering if the relationship you had meant anything at all to them.

The Hoovering stage of a Narcissistic relationship: 

If that new person doesn’t work out for whatever reason, and they come back to you, with the excuse that the affair or relationship isn’t their fault. The other woman was a crazy addict who threw herself at him…and he couldn’t resist her because you guys had been fighting so much, and you never had enough time for him, and you, you, you or her, her, her. In order to win you back, stage one, love bombing, (although this time it’s more watered down and is called “dosing”) starts again…and on and on it goes until you decide to leave for good. This is the cycle, in all its dysfunctional glory, and it will continue until you leave and go no contact, or go gray rock. Keep in mind that on average it takes victims of abusive (not necessarily violent) relationships 7 times before they leave, or are killed.

So long story short, I highly recommend you get out of there.  I know this is hard–especially if you are in a relationship with a “covert” narcissist, but anyone who lacks remorse and empathy should be treated as highly dangerous, because they friggin are!  These people operate based on their whims, and if something, or someone stands in their way, then look out.  If you are in a relationship with a Narcissist, the first step is to see the signs, then the second step is to work towards leaving. I would strongly encourage you to develop a safety plan, and then get the hell out of there.  Need some support, or just want to vent?  Chat us up on Facebook, or email me at: dana@www.thriveafterabuse.com.

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 267 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

16 Comments

  1. Hi Dana,
    Well Thank God i finally found another human being that I could acually listen to that sounds exactly what I’vebeen through for 11 long tragic years with the spot on to the tee Narc!!
    My question for you is this: Since neeting the Nsarc so long ago I listened to a video of yours that talked about boundries and not allowing the narc to move them. Ok, at the begining I had them but over time I felt he manuvered them and made them erratic so that I started to compromise my values or expextations. How did this happen and was it Cognitive Dissonance?
    plus I wanted to say a Huge thank you for you work and wanted to know if you speak at seminars? Also I’ve been in such a long quirky relationship with such a classic Narc that I myself have obtained so many crazy stories, been in his voicemal for 5 years, and pretty much rode this out gray rocking it since last year. I’ve since been NC and just found your videos today, THANK YOU Cindy

  2. I’m glad you are finding my info helpful. 🙂

    You mention boundaries, and how he manuvered them. Manipulative people manipulate people. This is what they do, and they do this by creating confusion and then using that confusion to push boundaries to where they get what they want. Cognitive dissonance plays a big part in that happening, as most of us don’t realize that these kinds of people even exist–or that they could be in our lives. Their behavior also starts off slow, and the more confusion that is created, the less clearly we can think–and at the same time they are usually sending us on an emotional roller coaster ride, so we are then thinking with our emotions and not with our logic and reason.

    I currently don’t speak at any seminars, but I would love to at some point. I’ve only been at this for about four months now, and am still trying to refine the information I’m putting out there, as well as my approach. I hope to have more of a focus as to how all this will come together in the near future.

    I’ll post any type of speaking engagements on the home page of my website when that happens. 🙂

  3. Greetings,

    I don’t even know where to begin. I have had SEVEN NPD/BPD’s cross my path. The last one, NPD mainly. The one before, high in BPD/NPD and really messed me up for a long time, so badly… I took 9 years before getting involved. NINE YEARS! And what crosses my path? A NPD.

    This one truly hurt even though short lived. I emailed her last night a well thought out email to let go. I just hope I can stick to the no contact rule. Her cycle was rather quick, almost 2 months. The silent treatment phase is horrid. My guess is that she is love bombing someone else right now to get her fix. Really sad that they cannot see what they are doing to the Non’s and get help. Never a real love for them or to them. The pain they inflict. I am sure I am getting the smear campaign, although I think her family must know and perhaps won’t believe the hped BS.

    I have learned through more intensive research this go around to recover that I am an Empath. The disordered somehow find me.

    Thank you for your website and info, it really helps me.

  4. Hi Dana. I just learned after 3 months of no contact with my ex narc girlfriend has released a group text to her friends announcing that she had a new boyfriend at that they were moving in together and moving away. I found out from a former best friend of hers that just so happens to be my friend of 44 years little sister. She didn’t include her in the text of course but she got wind of it through mutual friends who were sent the text. Keep in mind this text went out about a month since we last spoke and since then as recently as 3 weeks ago she’s been communicating with my parents infrequently. The last time being 9/24/2015. She never had a regular speaking relationship with my family the whole time we were a couple. We were together for 10 and a half years. I find it suspicious she would make this announcement in that way. Also why not just tell my parents she’s moved on? Plus she had to know I would learn about this text at some point because of my relationship with her ex best friend. Is she indirectly “Hoovering” me?

  5. I don’t know if I’d consider this hoovering, but it seems like her still having contact with your parents isn’t cool (or necessary). Hopefully she will move away and this will be the last you hear from her (but I doubt it). If you haven’t already blocked her on Facebook and email and on your phone, I vote that you do so. Anticipate her trying to reopen contact with you down the line at some point–and this way you will be emotionally prepared for that if it does happen–and you won’t fall back into it. Here is a link to a video playlist that I think will help better prepare you: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/youtube-video-playlist-on-narcissism/ (Go to the third video down called, “How to Avoid Dating (or Befriending) Another Narcissist.” Hope that helps. (((hugs))) …Also, keep a look out for a new series I am starting this week on codependency, boundaries, standards, healing, and recovery from these types of relationships.

  6. I was seeing what from outward appearances looked like an upstanding and classy woman for many years, but it was all a big ruse. Since I am very perceptive and intuitive, I called her out on a couple of behavior traits that struck me as peculiar, specifically this ongoing quest to want to “feel good”. She was always eager to spend time with me when it suited her, but always became standoffish and distant when I really needed her. She was so charming and sweet, but underneath that veneer was this demon who sucked the life out of me in a covert way.

    Vacillating between episodes of extreme attentiveness to doling out hurtful silent treatments, to the point where I felt like I didn’t even exist in her world, was her specialty. She often gloated about how she had the ability to just “cut people out of her life” for whatever reason she deemed appropriate. True love?…. I don’t think she ever experienced it. She’s all about how people make her feel. Her stealthy lack of empathy is what always bothered me the most. Whenever I had a minor grievance I wanted to share or address, she was either too “busy” with work, or I had to man up or figure it out – she mastered the art of pushing my buttons in a covert way. It was rather obvious that I was merely an object that she could rely on for compliments, adoration, and affection. If she felt that my narcissistic supply overtures were dwindling, she would become bored relegate me to timeout status for days and even weeks. She didn’t have any real friendships either but instead surrounded herself with people who respected and looked up to her. Very sensitive to constructive criticism and low conflict resolutions skills. The sex and passion was off the charts, but what was I really thinking putting up with her abusive treatment all these years? I called her behavior out from day one! What really gave me the chills early on is when she confided in me that I was strong and more savvy than other men….. I knew how to handle her.

  7. Ex narc wife is giving me silent treatment. My gut is telling me new supply. This is the lowest fricking stuff I’ve ever had to deal with after 23 years of so-called marriage. Some of my best years gone. But, I’m not giving in. I filed separate maintenance with an attorney. I made her head spin rejecting hoovers and filing so fast. She was saying….”slow down for Christs sake!” Sounded just like her mother too. I’m feeling sick in the gut today poisoning myself with anxiety. I cannot let her win by hijacking my emotions. I’m going to rake her over the coals in court. Hopefully, she doesn’t have an attorney. I have no idea where she is or with whom. You would think I would at least deserve the truth here. Nope. I’m on my own and most people can’t handle the truth. I’m in counseling and going to meetings, reading all I can about these sick people and trying to get well myself. I stood up to her and she left. She admitted to many evil things to my pastor. Thanks for all your help and God bless the people that share.

  8. Keep a paper trail of everything you can–pictures, texts, voice mails, cell phone bills, credit card statements–anything you can find that proves what she was up to. You are right in your approach to not let her know what you are doing–especially if she is a liar and a master manipulator. The less notice she has, the better off you are.

    I can only imagine how painful this must be to have been married to a woman like this for 23 years. Please know that you aren’t alone. There are many people in the support group (mine and other ones) who have been through the same thing: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum …Also, please know that many of your best days are still ahead of you as well. They really, really are. <3

    (((BIG HUGS))) to you, and I wish you all the best on this next chapter in your life. <3

  9. I have been married to a narcissist for 5 years, we were together for 16 years and have 3 kids. My narc left me in July for another woman who he was in love with 4 days after meeting her. He moved straight in with her but moved out after 3 weeks. He then started seeing me again while continuing to see her too. He the said he wanted to make things right and came back for 9 days and things were going really well. Out of the blue, he left me for her again. I am devastated. I am trying really hard to go no contact. I made it 8 weeks without seeking him and made 21 days without texting him. I feel like my life is over and even though i am so aware now that he is a narc and i have been hoovered and that he never lived me or the kids, my emotions are overruling the logic and i cant see a future without him. It doesnt help that a year ago, we moved across the country and i have no friends or family and no finances to move.

  10. Hi Belinda,

    I’m sorry that you are going through all of this–but you are not alone. I just want you to know that. <3 If you haven't already joined the support group, then that might be a good start to just have some people to lean on while you are going through all this: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum (If you follow this link, you will also find a link for the Facebook group too.) I think the group will really help you to stay strong and will be helpful for venting and getting validation. You also mention feeling stuck where you are. I’m not sure what your religious affiliation is, but there are many churches out there who might be able to help you financially. I know that things probably feel very overwhelming right now, but please know that you won’t always feel this way–and that the way you feel is totally normal. You can heal from this. You can rebuild your life into something even better than it was before. It will be okay. Just breathe and focus on finding some peace and calm in everyday. There is plenty of time for you to rebuild–for now just focus on being as good to yourself as you possibly can be. (((BIG HUG))) to you. <3

  11. The covert cranial female does not cheat. They’re too good for anyone else and have huge fantasy/expectations that no-one can meet. I cannot meet them. Although, mine was close to it, but I think it was all in her head cause the guy wasn’t going to dump his wife for her. We are now back together at least she is back in our home. Remember that we are dealing with fearful immature people. I love my wife, but I need to change. She only listens to people in authority. Her attorney told her to drop the divorce, go to counseling and stay married. The divorce would have been too humiliating for her. I on the other-hand didn’t have much to lose. I am a Christian and would never divorce. I’m going for the crown to throw at the feet of Jesus. I love my wife, but I am now in this for my Lord first. We will be single much longer than we are married. Jesus taught that there is no marriage in heaven/eternity. You have to make the choice. God doesn’t give much wiggle room regarding divorce. I’m somewhat embarrassed because the situation revealed many of our weaknesses to family and mutual friends, but so what, it’s our life and my walk with Jesus that counts. I’m now in a place of respect since she basically lost. I need to keep my position of authority with kindness or this will not work. I cannot be a wimp and back down.I need to be clear with my expectations in love. Pray your azz off and fight using spiritual weapons. People can change, but you will need the power of God in the Bible first in your heart.

  12. Hi Dana, I have done some corrections, I am from Argentina and my English is pretty broken. Hope this corrections makes sense.
    Something I forgot is that every time I talk he correct my lengguage mistake when I am still talking, I ever and over, I can’t never finish the sentence without his corrections, but he said is because he is helping me ……..
    I am confuse of what I going trough right now
    Meet This man on line, he was charming to the extreme,
    On the forts hour of our date he told me his father was abusive and reason he doesn’t talk to him, (46 years old) and how much his mother tolerate him and he is round of her to be strong to support his father behave and bla bla bla
    At first it scare me, but I thought, well is also honestly, in accept he has a difficult childhood
    We keep dating
    From the very begging I feel needy, he will say I call you, and we see each other soon, but don’t know when becau I don’t like plans
    So I will wait 10 days, till he call and say, I’ll be around your neighboard, let’s meet.
    He will text one day I will text back and he will distant and cold, or he will text me many silly text all in once,
    Our first disagreement was because he was constant on Facebook on his phone, or tinder, and I told him please keep it close at lease when we together, it really not help me be happy, He went off on me call me names, f… Damn ass insecure and that comes with it,
    I try to cuddle him that night and I told him, yet we disagree but I still feel love, I just don’t like the way you behave, he says, I am Needy or controlling, I just like respect in a relationship, he went more off, he said he wanted to sleep but instead I am keeping him awake. This was not later than 9 pm. That I gspuld not talk to him, and things Weill be better in the morning,
    Fact, we have some other situations like that, where he act the same,
    We will be in bed, and he will be looking at Facebook, and he will show me this super hot woman, and say She is my model friend, she stayed at my house, she is a super model, but don’t worry she is crazy, And I wonder why I have to know every woman that Has slept or stay at your house….
    But I’m still there with him, I am conscious. Am codependent of this, why I stay, that’s something I need to figure, part of me was thinking his issues from the last have hurt him, so I have this idea we are con evidence of our. Parents actions, some of us go ahead and learn to not do the same, some struggle . I wanted to beleven he could love well.
    He uses no contact when he wants, we have a big argue, I well he argue, for me not having the time to go see him when he want, he doesn’t work, I work full time, and he lives far, so he will come for me sometimes, but mostly the last weeks was ok me taking the bus. Because his back hurts to drive,
    I did notice he complains a lot, he always have some pain, back pain everyday, but not pain for surf several hours a day
    He sleep a lot. I never see someone having naps like that, and he is constantly eating.
    And he do not tolerate any crowd because the sound and all
    He use to live in a corporate life now he just live in the middle of nowhere with few people around, and expect me to be on his house, laying in bed and cuddling
    When together during the weekends, he will ask me to lay in bed and he’ll basically want me to pet him, like a child, and those moments he is another person, he smiles and shines and rest, and I love him when I see him like that, and also makes feel he needs love and sad of his situation,
    Yes it seems crazy I like a man that gives nothing but demand of attention, but I do.
    I am an art teacher, so I get him to do some art activities with me, he’s so creative and talented to extreme, and when his calm is so easy to be with and I feel so comfortable, but from the to a monster is a blink of an eye
    He wil go surfing and I can see him trying t get into a fifth with some other man,
    If we drive and traffic is bad I can see he loosing it
    One day he was cooking and drop the milk in the floor, and God, he scream to much I start shaking, he said it was a joke. And that. Should t be afraid, he never hit a woman, and if a I am afraid of him is not good, we can’t continue
    Our last encounter, I invited him to see a show for the upcoming week, he said: well my schedule is open until this dates that my friend and my mam are visiting, then Free
    So. Ask him, I sant meet your mam those days?
    He blow out of his mind, he said I was the mos negative woman, all he said that his mam will be happy to see the show with us, but in my broken English that’s what I understood, but he didn’t let me talk.
    Also that same day he was asking me if I will go see him at this house, 46 m from me with car 2 or 3 connecting buses depending my luck
    I was working on this super big Mural, 10 hours journey of work a day for the last week, I told him I will not get the bus on time, I am not sure I can make it, and also not sure I could’ve on late night in the buses all the way wher he was.
    He has a car and a motorcycle …
    He cut the phone on me
    He texted, you are so back and forward, your schedules aren’t for me, I don’t want to be busy, and you are negative, always, asking me why I don’t call, or telling me you love me when you don’t know me, or teleost meyou miss me many times, I live f….. Miles away why you miss me, I don’t live in China, you put pressure in me pe tng I will say something back and it takes time to meet somebody, he wil say this from the very begging till now several months of sleeping together many nights a week
    After he cut the phone, he upload his profile on tinder.
    Since then all he said on email, because I email him forts was, is all my fault,
    He was nothing but good to me,with him I should never worry about money or anything…. But reality is he never offer to pay a taxi of all the buses to see him, he did pay the little time she took me to a restaurant that wasn’t more than 50&
    So he has say he is tired of me now, he will not talk to me till he is not mad, then he will talk to me
    I send him a mail, bad on me, just saying I was sorry things didn’t work out
    That I lived him, but I agree we can’t be a good couple, we look for dog rent kind of relationships, but I am greatful for the time been, period, not asking to be back, just to have a nice end, and a loving good bye
    He text me,
    Your words one from heart I like that, but I do t think you understand what can happened with us, or what’s happen
    I’m tired now long day, ill text your more soon….or tomorrow , of course I wait he never text
    How I felt, wells you know,
    He will maybe answer? He will never?
    Why I felt this way
    Is he ever going to be nice?
    Is he a bad man
    Is he a traumatized man
    I can’t figure and my head spins like a crazy
    I have. Call him or anything further than that
    But between you and I, I barely sleep my sadness goes all the wa to my belly
    He will never say hey I miss you I want to pick you up,
    He will say hey I want to see a friend close to your place, so I could pick you up., on my way
    So yes from the beginning I feel defensive
    And insecure
    He also be upset because he say I should work on line like him, he will teach me so I’m not that busy, or work for him
    I don’t understand this mix signals
    He want to help me?
    He want control?
    He call me crazy
    Jelous
    I have never scream or confront him but email or talk nice about the thing that are out of my boundaries, like flirting ,
    Talking to me with no respectful words
    I am too lady or I am too sensitive
    I never win
    Too soon for me to say I love you
    Not soon for him to show me around a and want to meeet his mam or move with him to another place
    Crazy
    And I feel crazy
    Sad as I am, one mutual fiend has told me on a versatile yesterday that he has get in any fight, last one. They bit him up, because he insulted somebody so bad on the street that they punch him de real times
    So who is this mean behind this charming man
    What should I do if he ever answer, will he ever answer?
    Clear is, he already in the search more woman’s, that’s for sure
    He’s pictures were all about love and family, and anmals. As soon one of my dogs vomit his car because the driving, he went off, your ffff dog is my fff car and I take care of my car, and you woman you are the same as my fff ex friend always negative about me, crazy I am suffering for this kind of man, I’m not proud. Walk and tears just roll, I’m not anfry or mad is a sadness. Can’t explain, and hi silence makes me more sad, I am not proud at all of myself right now.

  13. Hello Dana
    I’m learning a lot from your articles I believe I am in the discard the stage but I’m not quite sure it’s all over the place a lot of the times broken up been with other people a few times and then pulls me back In. in. He is definitely always talking to other women and has cheated but this time seems different he’s very distant doesn’t message me very much I decided not to message at all and then he appeared messaging me being nice acting cute. I’m figuring all this out and I am assuming that he’s definitely got someone in his sights not just to mess around with like before but to try to replace the source of me with possibly . I have not messaged today and he has not messaged at all . I have since stupidly asked if he was okay and nothing.
    I know they have just started talking online within past few weeks haven’t met yet she is a nice woman who has just got separated from husband of over twenty years ammicable grew apart only person she has ever been with so I’m sure she is more boring to roll then I ever was or anyone else. She’s going to be totally swept off her feet by the Narcissist.
    Should she be warned to save her from even getting into the shark infested waters I’m battling to escape.

  14. Thanks for your posting. It helps the narcissist victims a lot. I had dated a female narcissist and currently at the discard phase. However, I feel so drained and afraid to consider a relationship with someone else. I think that I am unable to love and even worry that I may behave narcissistic in a new relationship. Is NPD contagious?

  15. I never have dealt w narc or sociopath. It’s wasn’t in my world. I was married once before n waited almost 20 yrs. to marry again. We met online n he was everything I wanted. ” Soulmates ” 2 weeks of dating he moved me in w him n proposed marriage. 6 months later we were married. There were red flags prior to marriage but, suddle red flags. I explained them away to myself. Gradually, after getting married things got worse. Name calling, putting me down. I couldn’t do anything right. I was too stupid to live, incompetent, too dumb to think for myself ( he would have to think for me) that’s what he told me. He had to know where I was every minute. Who I talked too. I never cheated on this man. He had been married before,he told me wife #1 cheated, wife #2 spent lots of money, wife #3 was crazy n I’m #4. His dad has been married 4xs too. I’ve had to deal w the “Silent treatment ” not that he’d leave. He just would stare at me n not answer a simple question. He’s never wrong, never apologized for anything, everything is all my fault. No empathy what so ever. We just barely made it to our 1st yr anniversary. 2 days later, he moved out n said he wanted a divorce. That was 3 months ago n he still hasn’t filed. I stopped texting him cause, he won’t answer me. Even, when my truck broke down in the bitter cold. He’s left me destitute. He has no friends only people he works w but, no fishing buddies or the like. Idk if he ever cheated because, he would be home everyday same time. Besides the verbal, mental, emotional abuse. Physical abuse was starting at 1st towering over me n walking into me using his belly to almost knock me down to grabbing me n forcing me to sit on his lap n tell me to NOT fuckin walk away while he was talking. When I told a friend of mine how he was treating me, she told me about Narrcistic n so I’ve been reading everything I can n how to save myself. Don’t know if he’ll try n come back.but. I won’t go back that. Love is blind when ya happy.

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