Need Some Support?

I have two support groups, one is on Facebook, and the other one is here on this site.

Here are the differences between the two groups:

The support group on Facebook is “closed”, which means that your friends on Facebook can see that you are a member of the group, but they can’t see what you are posting.

The support group here is “open”, but you get to pick a username, so even though this group is open, you have a lot more privacy, as your personal info isn’t linked to this account (like it is in Facebook).

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 252 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

13 Comments

  1. Hi Dana, I have been watching all your videos on youtube and i have to say i think you are the best at knowing what really goes on and how to deal with these narcs. I dont know when i first met a narc i was bullied at school but i dont know if these kids were narcs at an early age but how it all started was when I left school I had no problems with meeting these kind of people as i was very happy with in myself it wasnt till I joined the cult of Jehovahs Witnesses I decided I didnt feel it was right for me as their belief systems didnt make sense butI was left feeling very vulnerable as I was left feeling bad about the fear of the end of the world so I diecided to go to rock nites and I assume there isa lot of dysfuntional people in that scene. I met this girl as a penpal and we met up and she invited me over to stay with her. We started drinking Gin in the afternoon and then in the evening we went clubbing and we both had a bit of alcohol in our system then she started wispering about this guy to me in front of him so I joked back to her lightly calling her a bitch but not in a horrid way, She flew off the handle and stormed off so i followed her to apologise but then she got angry and pushed me across the floor. I was very scared at this point as i had all my stuff back at her flat. She seemed to of calmed down and said she hadnt got angry like this in years and started trying to make me feel I had done something so terrible to deserve it. We went back but then she was playing round with a knife and then she calmed down layed on the couch and then she started sucking her thunb like a child. I had never expereinced friends behave like this ever not even at the schools I went to. She seemed so different the next morning but i was left feeling very in shock and cold and i cried my eyes out in the bathroom. It was now the early evening and she said shall we go round to this guys? And I said I didnt feel up to anything big as I had a hangover so she then snapped at me “Your not much fun are you Stupid Cow so with that i got up and left as I felt this women could flare up again so i left there feeling I had been satying with a Psycho. I honestly didnt think Id have anything to do with her ever again. i then went back and stayed with a friend who lived near by Id been friends with Helen for 5 years so when I told her about this new friends behaviour she seemed a good listener but what went horribly weird is this other girl who is called Claire somehow got Helen into a flying monkey and she got her to now turn against me and start stalking me. The letters and abuse were unbeareble! I had no idea what made Helen start behaving like this towards me but it seems this must of been something to do with Claire. to this dya I have no idea what happend to her she just dissappeared but I met up with Claire a few times and this time with a nother male friend who she succedded in turning him agaisnt me. This dosent end here I have got so much to tell you with all my ex boyfriends and another very strange penpal. Heidi

  2. Yikes! Sounds like you’ve been through a lot with these people. …If you’d like to share more of your story, I’d be happy to hear it. 🙂

  3. Dana,

    I really appreciate your thorough, thoughtful, and compassionate videos on YOUTUBE. I was in the middle od #22 just a few minutes ago, and it just stopped. When I went to find it again, all the videos that were in my computer’s memory came up empty. Then I went to your YOUTUBE account and it appears that all your videos have been deleted and it appears that your account has been deleted or suspended! Did you intend for this to be done? I am sadly disappointed if You Tube has suspended your account against you will. I would really love to see the rest of the videos. Can you let us all know what’s going on with this?

  4. My YouTube account has been suspended and/or terminated for reasons that are unclear. I have no idea what happened or if I did something wrong. (I was racking my brain all last night, and nothing comes to mind!) I have an email into them, so hopefully the videos will be back up soon. I have an announcement posted on the home page of my website, that I will updating as soon as I know more. <3

  5. Dana, thank you for your help. You and your community really helped me thru a difficult time in my life.

    I am slowly feeling better about myself. I appreciate your compassion and wisdom.

    Again thank you
    Mark

  6. Hi Dana
    I am so grateful to have found your videos. I have seen many therapists but none understand the complexities as you have described.
    I am now divorcing the third (ohmygosh) husband. I think I have only known narcs in my life. I have been with him 24 years – and much of that time was pretty good. However as he has aged, he is less able to keep the mask up. Add to that Aspergers.

    I learned today that the house we share has a mortgage on it – even though he told me it was paid off.

    I am 67 and looking forward to a new life – to not being ridiculed, maligned and all of the things that come with the package.

    I loved what you said in the video on 50 shades – why can’t we just fall in love with ourselves and live happily ever after. Well, I started that today – and it is my new mantra!

    Truly deep blessings to you Dana –

    Your friend – WaterBaby

  7. I was just watching the video “Red Flags”, I am shocked at the comparisons that match EXACTLY to my experience. I was finally pushed into action when my N started telling me about his dreams that I was dead. He stated that I most likely died of “heartache”. He was worried that I was going to kill him and commit suicide. What??? Those thoughts were never in my head. I was ground down until I lost all sense of myself. I am trying to free myself and it is agonizing. How can it hurt so much to loose (end) a relationship that was so damaging?! Thank you for your videos. They have helped me when I am moving minute by minute trying to remain in No Contact.

  8. I’m so glad that my videos have been able to validate what you were experiencing. …They tend to project all of their “bad” qualities/thoughts onto us, and we tend to project all of our good qualities/thoughts onto them. I’m a big fan of taking their bizarre statements seriously for this reason–especially if it involves death. So, if he is saying that he was worried you were going to kill him and then commit suicide, odds are he was thinking of killing you and then committing suicide. If they start talking about death, it’s a sign to get out of there. So I’m really glad you got out of there!

    …You ask why it hurts so much to lose a relationship that was so damaging. I think it’s because (in part) you were really emotionally invested in this relationship, and probably thought (like most of us do) that what you were experiencing was “fixable” bad behavior and that your partner would have the capacity and desire to change if they could only realize how much pain he was causing you. Feelings are caused by very powerful chemical reactions in our brain. I think it’s helpful to think of painful emotions like internal bruises. They really hurt at first, but they do heal over time. …You won’t always be in this much pain–everyday you are healing from this as long as you stay no contact. If you reopen contact, it’s like picking at a scab, and it will take the wound that much longer to heal. …Try to make your healing process as enjoyable as possible (I know that sounds nuts, but I mean it). You can watch comedies, get your nails done, treat yourself to a hot bath. Be extra, extra good to yourself right now. You deserve it. <3

    If you haven't already joined the support group, I would encourage you to do so, as it really helps to get support from others who have been there, done that: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

  9. Hi Dana. I appreciate your videos. Very insightful and concise. I have been in a 3 year relationship with a much younger girlfriend who seems to be a narcissist from what I can make out (for example, last time I called her she actually put me on hold for a minute! and now she blocked me from calling but denies it…). We have a 10 month old daughter together. How can I manage this situation? I do want to be there as far as possible for my daughter but I would prefer to emotionally disentangle myself from the mother. But this is all very difficult with such a young baby. One more detail: she and the baby live in Philippines while I am in a neighbouring country. I go to visit for a long weekend once a month on average. I did consider bringing them over to the country where I am working – I had all the visa papers ready – but I decided at the last minute it would just lead to one royal mess. Unfortunately I am very unlikely to get custody of the baby as Philippine custody cases are very much pro-mother. Grateful for your thoughts and keep up the good work. Nick

  10. If you are going to try and remain in your daughter’s life, then you can use a strategy called “grey rock” (http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/going-gray-rock/) This strategy works great for dealing with any type of difficult person. …I’m glad my videos have helped, and I hope that you are able to make the best out of this situation, and can move towards a place of health, happiness and healing.

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