It is critical for the Narcopath that society (everyone but their victims) sees, and keep them in high regard. They generally present as wonderful people: the kind of girl/guy you’d want to introduce to your best friend, someone you can’t wait to introduce to your parents; father of the year; the kind of person you’d call if you needed anything. The reason they need to keep this image is two-fold:
1. It strokes their ego. They are the world’s greatest guy, not because they care about their wife, children or others, it’s because they like being told they are the world’s greatest guy–they love having their ego stroked.
2. This image enables them to keep up their con. When their mask slips, and their true lying, cheating, stealing self is revealed to the victim, and the victim (finally) leaves–or is devalued and discarded (often times very publicly, and at light-speed replaced by someone new), everyone around the Narcopath buys into the Narcopath’s version of events–after all, he’s Mr.Wonderful. A smear campaign is then launched by the Narcopath portraying the victim as generally some form of bipolar, crazy, an alcoholic/addict, jealous, a bad parent, etc. This smear campaign turns many people–especially those close to the Narcissist, into “flying monkeys”.
Because the Narcopath has gone to such great length over the years to cultivate their stellar public image, everyone around them believes them, and the victim is often embarrassed and stunned into silence, as no one believes their version of events–oftentimes not even the victim (due to gas-lighting and years of manipulation and grooming). The victim has a hard time even telling a therapist or their closest friends everything that went on, as they feel they won’t be believed, as (hindsight being what it is) their relationship seems too dramatic, crazy or ridiculous to be believed (Lifetime TV Movie type behaviors). This character attack on the victim allows the Narcopath to convince his next victim (and the rest of society) that he was not the problem–the previous victim was.
After all, what the Narcopath and the new victim have is special, unique, different. They are soul mates, and their chemistry and connection can’t be denied. Everyone will agree that the Narcopath is Mr.Wonderful and it’s too bad he got tangled up with such a crazy/jealous/bipolar/addict/bitch–but thank God she is gone–she was the problem, and he is so wonderful he really deserves a good woman. After all, they can all tell how much he loves and adores you, as apparently you are special, unique and different–his soul mate…(Which is everything he told to victim #1, and everything he will continue to feed his victim until he decides she is a crazy/bipolar/addict/alcoholic/jealous/bitch, and the next victim comes along.)
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Latest posts by Dana (see all)
- Episode 30: Book Club Discussion on “Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse” by Joanna Moore - June 27, 2017
- Live Stream from June 21, 2017 - June 25, 2017
- Episode 28: Gratitude Can Help Keep You Grounded - March 21, 2017