Read this First

* I have two articles left to write and add in order to make this page complete. Due to both the number (and urgency) of questions I’ve been getting, I felt I needed to post this ASAP. I will be finishing up this post in the next few days.

Knowledge really is power, especially when it comes to understanding Narcissists, their behavior, how to avoid them, and how to heal. There’s a lot of information on my blog, and I’m feverishly adding to it on a regular basis. I’m also working on trying to figure out the most beneficial way to organize the info, so if you have ideas, please let me know!

 

Here are some links to what I believe to be the most important information that will a huge difference in your life right now:

 

1. Realize that there are different types of Narcissists.

Each type has different defining characteristics–it makes it easier to spot them if you know the different ways they can come across, and the different ways they manipulate. Learn about them here: The different types of Narcissists

 

2. How to Avoid a Relationship with a Narcissist.

– How to Avoid a Relationship with a Narcissist (starting today).

 

3. How to protect yourself starting today.

Going No Contact

Going Gray Rock

Developing a Safety Plan

 

4. Learn the red flags of a Narcissist. 

– Start the “The Red Flags of a Narcissist” series.

 

5. Know the terminology.

There are specific words that are used to describe an experience with a Narcissist. I highly recommend you read the list, as these words will really help you to describe to yourself (and others) what you went through.

Words you need to know.

 

6. Read the top 10 FAQs.

Here’s a condensed list of some of the top frequently asked questions. I think reading these will also help.

Top 10 FAQs.

 

7. Cycle of a Narcissistic relationship.

(article coming soon!)

 

8. Know what to expect.

Narcissists can be both very persistent and convincing–especially between the discard and idealization stage–when they are trying to get you back (aka suck you back in). At a minimum (from them–flying monkeys, hoovering, smear campaign, and emotionally)

– The silent treatment and Narcissists

The Aftermath of a Narcissistic Relationship

flying monkeys (the article)

flying monkeys (the YouTube video)

smear campaign

hoovering

love bombing (in the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series)

rushing intimacy (in the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series)

public image (in the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series)

2 Questions you always need to be asking when dealing with a Narcissist

Therapy does not help 

6 common manipulations of a Narcissist  (YouTube Video) 

7 most common lies of a Narcissist

 

9. Tips on how to heal.

After a relationship with a Narcissist ends, it is usually very traumatic. It’s common for victims to have a wide mix of emotions ranging from fear, grief, sadness,  intense “cravings” for their partner, and sometimes joy and relief. Night terrors, anxiety, depression, paranoia/distrust of others, loss of sleep/too much sleep, wanting to isolate, feeling bad about yourself/ wondering what you “did wrong”, is all normal, and understandable, as these people are highly manipulative, and like to bring their victims to the highest highs, and then drop them down to the lowest lows.  It is important that you cut off contact if you feel safe to do so. Anticipate “hoovering” during the first month to first year after the relationship ends. During hoovering they will most likely use a combination of love bombing, rushing intimacy, and charm, coupled with their excuses and lies to suck you back in. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Everything out of their mouth is a lie. If you aren’t sure about what is going on, or would like to vent/need some feedback, please consider joining my support group on Facebook.

Understanding how trauma bonds us to a Narcissist

How to “Get Over” a Relationship with a Narcissist

12 Things that Really Helped Me to Heal 

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 296 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

5 Comments

  1. Please I need help/advice. I’ve moved back I’m 6 times already now married trying to get out for good but knew I had to be done for good. He’s having me watched all the time and has 2 seperate court dates for assault charges that I pressed against him. I just need or am begging to just talk to someone on the phone. I can read blogs all day and I now also just found put I have PTSD and he’s taken everything from but the tiniest part of my spirit and I can’t lose hope and let my kids down again

  2. Sarah,

    I just emailed you a response. Hang in there, and let’s see if the support group can help. …I am also in the group on a regular basis, so if you want to talk to me too, you can. <3

  3. Hi Dana, I have recently discovered your youtube channel and I have found myself practically devouring all of the support, information and validation of what I’ve been through that you have given me. I have also had some life changing revelations about myself, my boundaries and how to move forward to the life that I want for myself, so first off thank you, more than I can say, thank you. My question is to do with an ex of mine, we were together for five years, it has been four years since I caught him in our bed with another girl and left him, yet I have only just come to understand the relationship as abusive. He did many red flag things, such as lying, showing no emotion/empathy at appropriate times (for example, a friend of mine’s 18 month old daughter died in a terrible freak accident and though I was distraught, he asked why I would even care and told me to get over it). I realise now that there was a lot of gas-lighting involved and he managed down my expectations of him to a point where I thought of it as normal that he barely spoke to me and had me wait on him hand and foot and whistled (not even kidding) whistled to me like an animal when he wanted my attention. I became pregnant while we were together and he forced me to have an abortion even though I desperately wanted to keep the child, but I was more afraid of the consequences of going against him in the end. My question is this, if he made me terminate the pregnancy, why did he over a year later start to talk about “our baby” and act like he had lost something too and understood my grief and pain? Is it possible he was using this against me to make me feel crazy? I had named the baby Lily as part of my grieving process and he later started talking about getting a lily flower tattoo and he bought me a ring which had two lillies on it. I remember feeling so confused and angry that he was throwing my pain around so superficially. Although there are many confusing and hurtful things that still linger from that relationship, this is the biggest thing I just can’t get past. At the time I remember telling myself he must be sincere and finally understand how much it hurt me, I thought it must mean he did truly love me, but looking back now I feel like he was simply messing with me to see if he could. I still burst into tears any time I think about that pregnancy and talking about it has made it worse as people do not understand why I still care. Is it possible for someone to be so callous that they would use something so personal and painful to manipulate or get their kicks? Any insight you could give me would be so appreciated. Wishing you so much light and love and joy.
    R.
    P.S: Sorry for the super long message!

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