The “rushing intimacy” stage happens after the Narcissist has the victim hooked with love bombing, he/she will move to the next stage which is rushing intimacy. The goal of this stage is to get the victim as much under their spell and control as possible. This happens by combining their lives as quickly as possible, and once that happens a Narcissist is really hard to get rid of.
There are six main ways that the Narcissist rushes intimacy:
– Reassures the victim of the intense connection that was formed during love bombing. A Narcissist will continually reassure the victim of this intense connection they have–this soul mate, or past life connection. They may even hint at things such as, “Your face looks so familiar…but I’m sure I’ve never seen you before,” “We have a connection that you just can’t deny,” “I’ve never felt this way about someone before,” “Look at how perfect we are together,” “Think with your heart and not your head…let’s just trust this magic that’s happening.” Because of all the constant reassurance that serves to back up the intense feelings the victim already feels, the victim often lets go of any lingering hesitation they’ve felt about the Narcissist or the speed at which they are moving.
– Wanting to have sex within the first week (or day) the victim meets them. There are neurochemical changes that take place once two people have sex. For women, oxytocin is released–this is the same chemical that is found in breast milk, and serves also as a “bonding” hormone. (It is also released in men after orgasm, but only when a man is in love.) For these neurochemical reasons, as well as other more more basic human needs such as companionship, intimacy, and such, sex (especially good sex) can become addictive–and the Narcissist knows this. Sex is one of their biggest weapons, and they are often amazing in bed.
– Telling you very personal stories about themselves. They do this because when one person starts sharing something personal, the other person often does the same. Sharing highly personal stories right away creates a false sense of intimacy and trust.
– Wanting to move in together. Narcissists are all about power and control. The best way to have this is for them to be with the victim 24/7. Narcissists also live a parasitic existence, and tend to want to move in with their victims–and then shortly after the victim finds that she is largely supporting (or financially bailing out) the Narcissist.
– Talk of getting married, buying a house or having children within the first few weeks of knowing them. This is called “future faking.” If the victim is lucky, they will not get married, buy a house or have children with a Narcissist. If these things do happen, it happens just so the Narcissist can have further control over the victim, as well as stroke his own ego by the additional possessions of a house, a wife and a child. Narcissists do not get married or have children out of love.
– Talk of combining finances/combining credit, putting you on their phone plan, or other forms of combining bills or credit. Again, the goal here is to wrap another tentacle around the victim. The more the victim combines their life with the Narcissist, the harder it will be to untangle things once they begin to see the Narcissist for who they really are.
(Here is a link to all of the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series articles and videos in a list. I will be putting this link at the bottom of all the articles and videos so you can refer back to them in an easier-to-find way.)
This “Red Flag of a Narcissist” series is not designed to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder. It is designed to present a broad brush look at behaviors that most (if not all) manipulative people tend to have (not just Narcissists). Not all of these red flags are a signal to run for the hills, and a person doesn’t need to have ALL of these flags present to be dangerous or destructive.
These red flags also occur on a spectrum, meaning that they will be more obvious and troublesome in some people, and not so much in others.
At the same time, keep in mind that EVERYONE has some of these red flags—however, manipulative people tend to have them to a more troubling degree than normal, non-manipulative people. Keep in mind that Narcissists and Antisocial Personality Disordered people’s red flag behavior is more driven by their lack empathy and remorse, desire to manipulate and exploit other people for their personal gain, which is often not the case with those without these disorders. So don’t panic if you see some of your behavior in these red flags, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a Narcissist, or have a personality disorder. 🙂
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Latest posts by Dana (see all)
- Episode 100: Some Tips on Getting In Tune With Yourself - December 13, 2017
- Episode 99: Live Stream with Richard Grannon - December 11, 2017
- Episode 98: Book Club on Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship by Adelyn Birch - December 4, 2017