Red Flag of a Narcissist #6: Unusual Amount of Crazy People

narcissists are crazy

If only crazy people were this easy to spot. Sigh.  Narcissists are the most cunning type of crazy out there, and to listen to them tell it, they are the perpetual victim. Nothing, and I mean nothing is their fault. All of their ex’s are crazy/bipolar/addicts/alcoholics/bad parents. All of them.

There is no accountability of their part in any relationship.

Odds are if you listen to them talk about their ex’s or family members who no longer talk to them their stories don’t add up. It is not uncommon for Narcissists to not talk to a handful of their relatives–or I should say, that a handful of the Narcissist’s relatives don’t talk to them!  This is because they’ve known this person long enough to see all the drama, chaos, lies and deceit that they bring everywhere they go.

They’re probably also victims of the Narcissist. The Narcissist will generally use the same excuses as to why none of his relationships have worked out: all those family members they don’t talk to are crazy/bipolar/addicts/alcoholics/bad people or parents. The victim feels bad for them that they’ve had such a run-in with all the wrong people—which is so weird, because they are Mr. Wonderful and such a great catch. Lucky them.

The truth is that the vast majority of these people probably aren’t crazy/bipolar/addict/alcoholics/bad people. They are probably just regular people that found out the truth about the Narcissist and got the hell away from them.  Once the victim leaves, the Narcissist will launch a smear campaign against them, which makes everyone else think that the victim is the one with the problem.

This is most commonly seen when the Narcissist cheats. He will tell his wife that the girlfriend threw herself at him because she was crazy/bipolar/addict/alcoholic/bad person, and then he’ll turn around and tell the girlfriend the same reasons about why he’s leaving his wife. Both of these women will take pity on him, buy into his lies and now the other woman becomes the problem–not him. You can tell a brainwashed victim when she starts calling the other woman a home wrecker or worse–and there is no focus on the Narcissist or his actions!

Narcissists will trash talk all their victims, and if you are in a relationship with one, they will trash talk you too. They are able to create a believable smear campaign because they have intentionally presented themselves as Mr. Wonderful to most everyone else who knows him, so when his mask slips, the victim is seen as the crazy one or the one with a problem–after all the Narcissist is just so wonderful, he couldn’t possibly do all those things!

Continue onto Red Flag #7: Fragmented Relationships

(Here is a link to all of the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series articles and videos in a list. I will be putting this link at the bottom of all the articles and videos so you can refer back to them in an easier-to-find way.)

This “Red Flag of a Narcissist” series is not designed to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder. It is designed to present a broad brush look at behaviors that most (if not all) manipulative people tend to have (not just Narcissists). Not all of these red flags are a signal to run for the hills, and a person doesn’t need to have ALL of these flags present to be dangerous or destructive. 

These red flags also occur on a spectrum, meaning that they will be more obvious and troublesome in some people, and not so much in others. 

At the same time, keep in mind that EVERYONE has some of these red flags—however, manipulative people tend to have them to a more troubling degree than normal, non-manipulative people. Keep in mind that Narcissists and Antisocial Personality Disordered people’s red flag behavior is more driven by their lack empathy and remorse, desire to manipulate and exploit other people for their personal gain, which is often not the case with those without these disorders. So don’t panic if you see some of your behavior in these red flags, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a Narcissist, or have a personality disorder. 🙂

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 278 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

3 Comments

  1. Hi Dana – I just wanted to say I love your site! I am coming off of a year-long “friendship” with a narcissist (female). I took the initiative in backing away; unfortunately I’ve lost another friend in the process (who is still acting as a major supply and in complete co-dependent denial). Needless to say it’s been difficult, but this site has helped me greatly, particularly this flag series.

    All of these flags are my “friend” to a T. In particular, this flag struck a chord because I’m kicking myself for not reacting sooner! I would always get uneasy when hearing her blab on about all of the “crazy” people she no longer spoke to. When I met her, she had no close friends, but endless accounts of how she’d been wronged. Silly me!

    Anyway, thank you for your work. It has been a tremendous comfort.

  2. Glad my info is helping, and yay you for getting away from a toxic friend. Life is too short to have toxic people around. <3

  3. Hi Dana, thank you for all you’ve done to spread consciousness about Narcissistic people.
    I’d like to say 2 things that this topic (I don’t speak English, sorry about the strange writing) inspired me:
    1) My ex-SUPER-covert-N had a peculiar habit when it comes to talk about other people (I think it’s a kind of Gemini trait too, omg, but…): he didn’t demonize his ex(s) because he hadn’t gotten involved in a deep(he sort of knew that) normal way with them. He was totally “victimized” by one of them, though. But the way he talked about his family members, it was like a non-involved analyst (but he never did it to himself, of course): he talked about their problems and “problematic” personalities, but at the same time, he maintained a strong bond (I don’t know yet based on what, beyond his insecurities – bc he was very cold when “analyzing” them) with them (these people were THE bonds, he didn’t have any real friend, but ok, he’s from a region in which blood family is like a god). My poit, I think, is how he constantly verbalized his “observations” about sb (family – and the good boy he was), fingers pointed out ALL the time. Not demonizing them. Although I know he’s a N, and I’ve comprehended other traits, I still didn’t get to really understand, beyond description, this part of his whole N-ness.
    2) I feel very afraid of being taken as a N bc I’ve cut ties with extremely abusive/toxic N “family” members (and one flying monkey). I know my whole personality structure is opposite to N (a bad thing even, a type of co-dependent, over empathetic, “highly” sensitive person). But the external judgment, based on my NC with (what was left of) “family” blood members, is SCARY to the core. I remember watching a religious program on TV, the woman said she’d been sexually abused by her family and right after, she said she had learned a lot, and she was looking for sb with “good relations” with “family”. O-M-G. I feel right now that the pedestal in which blood families (F.O.O.) were put in is an enormous obstacle to social recognition of abusive and N-“families” (in quotes bc this system DESTROYS SB’s life from the beginning – the utmost cruelty – normally the scape-goated child).
    I don’t know if I got to express the thoughts and feelings I really wanted to express in this loooong (I know, i know) comment. (Omg)
    Hugs hugs hugs

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