Red Flag of a Narcissist #17 is, “They Get You to Introspect/Question Yourself”.
Confusion is a big red flag that you are dealing with a person or a situation where the full truth (or outright lies) are present. Confusion comes from confusing behavior. Normal people in normal situations don’t question themselves or their partner on a regular basis. This level of confusion is really common if you have a manipulative person in your life, especially if they are engaging in “gas lighting” type behaviors (which all manipulative people do).
You may find yourself talking to other friends, family, or co-workers trying to figure out what you are experiencing, and to see if they can make sense of it. They find themselves wondering who has the problem, and some common questions are: “Is it me or is it them? Am I making a big deal out of this, or is this really a big deal? Am I having these thoughts and feelings because I have issues?”
You might even find yourself wondering if you are the manipulative, selfish person in this relationship as the level of confusion is so high.
Odds are that the ones who can see this manipulative behavior for what it is will tell you so, but you won’t want to hear it. This is very common. Many people who are involved in these kinds of relationships want so desperately to believe that the far-fetched stories and lies they are being told are real. They don’t want to hear that their partner is lying, cheating, or stealing–and they get very defensive, oftentimes isolating themselves by staying away from people who question their relationship or question them for staying.
This “Red Flag of a Narcissist” series is not designed to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder. It is designed to present a broad brush look at behaviors that most (if not all) manipulative people tend to have (not just Narcissists). Not all of these red flags are a signal to run for the hills, and a person doesn’t need to have ALL of these flags present to be dangerous or destructive.
These red flags also occur on a spectrum, meaning that they will be more obvious and troublesome in some people, and not so much in others.
At the same time, keep in mind that EVERYONE has some of these red flags—however, manipulative people tend to have them to a more troubling degree than normal, non-manipulative people. Keep in mind that Narcissists and Antisocial Personality Disordered people’s red flag behavior is more driven by their lack empathy and remorse, desire to manipulate and exploit other people for their personal gain, which is often not the case with those without these disorders. So don’t panic if you see some of your behavior in these red flags, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a Narcissist, or have a personality disorder.
My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.
Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.
It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
Latest posts by Dana (see all)
- Episode 55: How Do I Stop My Addiction to the Narcissist? - August 23, 2017
- Episode 53: Strategies to Help Prevent Your Child from Being Manipulated by a Narcissistic Parent - August 21, 2017
- Episode 54: How can we handle victim blaming and revictimization? - August 18, 2017