Red Flag of a Narcissist #19: Parasitic Existence

narcissists as mooch

This is red flag #19 in the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series. Red Flag #19 is a “Parasitic Existence”.

Narcissists are known for their sense of entitlement–in fact it’s one of the nine criteria that qualifies a person to be officially diagnosed with having Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Oftentimes their sense of entitlement makes them moochers (or financial parasites). It’s not uncommon for a Narcissist to quit (or get fired from) their job, sponge off their partner and/or parents, children (or anyone else who will let them). Not only do they often talk others into paying their share of their rent, or bills, but it’s not uncommon for them to talk victims into buying them cars, paying off their debt, or paying for anything else they want–even if they have a job! Narcissists have the mindset of what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine, and trying to get them out of life can be really hard to do.

 

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One last thing…

This “Red Flag of a Narcissist” series is not designed to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder. It is designed to present a broad brush look at behaviors that most (if not all) manipulative people tend to have (not just Narcissists). Not all of these red flags are a signal to run for the hills, and a person doesn’t need to have ALL of these flags present to be dangerous or destructive. 

These red flags also occur on a spectrum, meaning that they will be more obvious and troublesome in some people, and not so much in others. 

At the same time, keep in mind that EVERYONE has some of these red flags—however, manipulative people tend to have them to a more troubling degree than normal, non-manipulative people. Keep in mind that Narcissists and Antisocial Personality Disordered people’s red flag behavior is more driven by their lack empathy and remorse, desire to manipulate and exploit other people for their personal gain, which is often not the case with those without these disorders. So don’t panic if you see some of your behavior in these red flags, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a Narcissist, or have a personality disorder. :)

 

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 306 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

8 Comments

  1. I dont know where to begin. I’m an empath and have been a “magnet”for narcissists most of my life!!! My stories could go on endlessly, horrific stories,but eventually they discard you and if youre brave; you will use the knife they plung in your back to cut the ties!!…Ive known most kinds of narc’s… But this is my 2nd year (Of my awakening.studying searching and concluding this.).to my being aware I’m an empath. .and having these people identified as to their significance in my life…and putting the events in their perspective order like another puzzle piece, makes it all make sense.. What, when, how ,and why me questions all become answered.
    Ive experianced so many red flag occurances Its amazing!! Flying monkeys
    Gaslighting, I could keep the campfire going!! Never again. . now that Im awake will I ever allow another narc relationship.I wanna be Like Lisa…and help others. Ive been recovering from this now 18 months.. With a hoovering attempt 6 months ago for the final discard. From time to time…I will give excerpts of my stories. .but dont want
    to dump out ” all my junk” in the trunk… at once!! Feel free to respond!
    Oh and Thanks!!! Bunni

  2. It’s quite the “aha moment” when we start to see how all of this takes shape, and that there is a name for what we are experiencing! I’d love to hear more about your “junk” so feel free to share. 🙂

  3. My Mum has not been diagnosed but I can see many signs of narcissistic personality disorder. Now, I have been diagnosed with bipolar though I meet traits of being a parasitic narc so to speak but I don’t really know if I am. I become grandiouse sometimes when I go high (lithium has reduced this). Mainly I become irritable or very rarely I feel divine. My energy levels fall and I don’t care to function. I fight my thoughts and feelings with distraction . . . A movie or video game helps. I rarely leave the house. My wife cooks, cleans . . . I don’t cook but I help where I can and feel a b lot of guilt. We have two kids diagnosed with Autism and we focus on them. My parents (Narc and her husband devotee) do not visit or engage the children. My brother had a son a month ago and they haven’t called. I fear being like my narcissistic type mum. I live off of benefits, scared of work, people and I dread failing again. I broke down in my final year as a student nurse. I was higher in mood for the first year and a half then began to rapid cycling. I told the uni about my past. I had my own place in my twenties, self medicated. Mothers voices started in my head persicuting me. The uni and the doctors failed to get the right drugs in time. Now I write my book hoping something will come of that though I need to create. I’ve been told I can be arrogant, lazy, dictatory and opinionated. These are PD traits. I fear I am a chip of the old block.

  4. Since I started work at 16 I hated it. I have been out of work for 7 years. It’s a lot. Work has always filled me with dread sometimes resulting into the old head between the knee’s deep breathing intervention. Anxiety attacks I learned. I had to work it is my culture and background to earn and I have had many full and part time jobs. Lost quite a few. Many absenses. For some odd reason, foreboding dread, terror was stuck to it. I remember such stresses making my experience dream-like. Instant short term memory failure, poor focus, a need to escape. Truely. I feigned illness to escape the confines. However, I managed care for six years well. Nights. Few people. Relaxed and homely. At uni, I could not do the placements as a nurse. My mum, she was a part time cleaner. It only paid for her cigarette’s. She quit, claiming she could no longer clean after an operation. She wanted her oay off. Never worked since. My dad buys her smokes and everything else in his low wage. He has lung condition that is killing him. She smokes around him and he has consented to it. Maybe I am not Bipolar but instead have a Narcissistic PD.

  5. Nothing that you posted here makes me think that you are a Narcissist, let alone even selfish. …We all have things in our personality that are less than desirable, or things that we want to change. This does not make us a Narcissist. If you see certain thoughts, feelings, or actions that you have that you’d like to change, and you are sincerely motivated to change, then go for it. Don’t let me or anyone else define what you are capable of. <3

  6. If you fear you are a chip off the old block, then you aren’t. 🙂 There can be a lot of overlap between Bipolar and Narcissistic PD, but the difference is that with the right meds the grandiosity and other types of extreme behavior (hypersexual, over spending, etc.) resolve themselves. If you have a sincere desire to change whatever less than desirable character traits that you have (and we all have them) then by all means go for it. I fully believe that anyone can change if they truly want to–even a Narcissist (but the vast majority of Narcissists don’t ever think they have a problem, and aren’t motivated to change). I hope you write your book. It sounds like you have a really intense story to tell! (((hugs)))

  7. Dana ~ God bless you! I almost posted “you have no idea.” But, you definitely do! I have gone through the mill with BF, brothers, son, sister and step-father – all N. My son having forced me to search for what the hell was wrong with him. My organs failed from the stress he has caused and the abuse, physical, emotional, financial. Complete deliberate destruction of my being, my life. Thank you so very much for taking the time to reach out to us. The weight on my shoulders, the pain and agony of all those years is coming to a screeching halt! I haven’t dated in 20 years due to feeling like a bum-magnet … so delighted to know I’m just a N-magnet. Which will change immediately. I feel you have given me the power to stand again. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, experience and creating this forum. So blessed.

  8. I just got goosebumps reading your comment. I am so glad that you have been able to get a big piece of clarity to realize that their behavior isn’t normal–and in fact is very toxic, and that you aren’t crazy. Moving out of the “FOG” (fear, obligation, guilt) is such a huge first step to understanding what’s been going on, and how to handle toxic people from here on out. Here is a link (it’s the third video playlist down) that is worth watching: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/youtube-video-playlist-on-narcissism/

    I will be doing a video series here shortly on codependency and boundaries that I think will also really help. <3

    Also, here is a link to the support group if you are interested: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

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