Red Flag of a Narcissist #21: Something Seems “Off”

confusion

Most people when they first encounter a manipulate, destructive, or dangerous feeling later admit that they had a feeling that something was “off”. It might have been that they felt the person was way out of their league somehow, but that they were paying a lot of attention to them, or that the person seemed totally in love with them from the beginning, and that seemed off, or that the person’s stories, or how they acted when they fought, or you name it seemed off–but they couldn’t quite pin point exactly what the problem was.

There is no shortage of ways that weird behavior can come across as weird.

Confusion to any degree, is a sign that something is off. If you are talking to your friends, family, co-workers about someone’s behavior trying to make sense of it–or going so far as to look on YouTube or the internet for answers, then something is wrong with the behavior that you are trying to make sense of.

People in healthy, normal situations aren’t confused by what is going on.

So if you are confused, then odds are you aren’t in a normal situation.

Ask yourself if you are this way around other people that you trust.  Odds are you aren’t. Odds are it’s just that one person.

You may wonder if you are the problem–that perhaps you must have issues with self-esteem, or trust, or committment, etc. because you are confused by behavior that maybe even other people find flattering or ideal.

I’ll say it again: if confusion is present, there is a problem–and it’s not you.

It’s also not uncommon for this “off” feeling to be one where you might feel like the person is evil, or has a really dark energy about them. I know for me personally, I didn’t want to say their name aloud for the longest time, and I got rid of everything that reminded me of them to “clear the energy”.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to be 100% certain that a person is manipulative, destructive, or dangerous to not have them in your life. You only need to be 1% certain.  Seriously. You don’t have to let people that have questionable, concerning behavior in your life at all. The choice is yours. <3

 

One last thing…

This “Red Flag of a Narcissist” series is not designed to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder. It is designed to present a broad brush look at behaviors that most (if not all) manipulative people tend to have (not just Narcissists). Not all of these red flags are a signal to run for the hills, and a person doesn’t need to have ALL of these flags present to be dangerous or destructive. 

These red flags also occur on a spectrum, meaning that they will be more obvious and troublesome in some people, and not so much in others. 

At the same time, keep in mind that EVERYONE has some of these red flags—however, manipulative people tend to have them to a more troubling degree than normal, non-manipulative people. Keep in mind that Narcissists and Antisocial Personality Disordered people’s red flag behavior is more driven by their lack empathy and remorse, desire to manipulate and exploit other people for their personal gain, which is often not the case with those without these disorders. So don’t panic if you see some of your behavior in these red flags, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a Narcissist, or have a personality disorder. :)

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 252 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

4 Comments

  1. My relationship with my husband seemed off from the very beginning but I ignored that because he said all the right things and flattered me and was very charming. I just thought it was me, because I had trust issues and I needed to think differently. Looking backwards I can see he is textbook covert narcissist. He’s currently not contacting me at all after making financial threats. He even made a veiled public threat in a comment at church yesterday where my parents also go involving “people’s home getting foreclosed on”. I’m sure no one else present heard his comment as a threat but it certainly was and my parents both knew it was directed at them since they live with me and I am in the house he and I own together. He thinks that he is going to take everything away from me and leave me with nothing and I will need him and come back. I will never ever ever go back. And I’m not going to let him take everything away from me either.

  2. Keep as much of a paper trail as you can about what he is saying and doing, so if you do end up in court, it’s easy to prove he has been threatening you or your family. …I’d also get the locks re-keyed or changed on all the door ASAP if you haven’t already. Be safe, and plan for the worst, hope for the best. Anticipation is your biggest weapon with these people. (((hugs)))

    You may also want to consider joining the support group: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

  3. Great. But you say that if something it’s off, it’s not you. That doesn’t seem to make sense. How would anyone know it’s not them? Surely it could be!

  4. Great question. Assuming a person isn’t mentally ill, (and even then our survival instincts are still pretty strong) our level of discernment when something is “off” is generally right. The way I see it, it’s better to err on the side of caution then get burned.

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