Red Flag of a Narcissist #28: Craves Power and Control

cycle of narcissistic abuse

Red Flag of a Narcissist #28: Craves Power and Control

All Narcissists are driven to feed their ego. They do this by having total power and control in all situations–whether you know it or not.

Some Narcissists are more obvious about maintaining power and control than others. Many Covert Narcissists may even come across like the exact opposite of a Narcissist–like they couldn’t care less about power and control.

But make no mistake, behind the scenes they are doing whatever they want, with whomever they want, and as much as they want and they will expect you to be okay with it if they are caught.

Highly manipulative, entitled and selfish people always expect to get their way, and don’t take it well if they are challenged.

If this behavior is driving you to the drink of hurting yourself, please don’t. There are many good, caring, on-the-level people out there who care about you. You are not the only one going through the crazy making of a Narcissistic relationship. Please hang in there and get help.

Suicide Hotline #: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Get Support: www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

Read More: www.NarcissistSupport.com

Find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Narcissist-Support/864636096909000

All manipulative people have about the same predictably unpredictable behavior. The good news is that they all come with the same set of red flags. Learn the red flags and empower yourself with the knowledge you need to help you steer clear of toxic behaviors. Click here to watch the full playlist of the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series.

*Keep in mind as you are watching these red flags videos, that the vast majority of people out there have behaviors or situations that could be considered upon first glance to be red flags.

The goal with this series is to slow a relationship down enough when (not if) you see red flags surface so that you can gather more information to determine if the red flag falls within the realm of normal, understandable, (and acceptable to you) behavior, or if it is in fact problematic and a sign for you to get out of there.

If you are watching these videos on the different red flags, and find yourself wondering if you are a Narcissist or other highly manipulative, destructive or dangerous person, just know that questioning your own behavior–and seeing red flags within it, is totally normal.

I would encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself if you have empathy, remorse, a care and concern about your behavior on others, and a sincere desire to change any problematic behavior you might have. If you answered yes to these things, then any behaviors that you do have that you believe are problematic can most likely be changed given enough hard work and determination. 🙂

(Narcissists and other highly manipulative people tend to not change because they don’t ever sincerely think that they have the problem–plus they not only like getting their way, they feel they are entitled to it.)

We all have things about ourselves that we would like to change. So please don’t panic.

I encourage you to work on changing any behavior that you feel is problematic, and then let us know how you are going about making those changes and your lessons learned–maybe, together we can all help each other to not only avoid manipulative, dangerous, or destructive people, but also become better people by ironing out wrinkles in our behavior along the way. 🙂

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 296 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

4 Comments

  1. hi everyone,

    thank you Dana for creating this website. I recently married an experienced narcissist ten years older then me. i’m going through a very rough time dealing with frequent silent treatments acting like everything was OK. Although i consider myself as a strong woman but being married to a narcissist is the worst challenge i’ve ever met.

    due to my concervative father and my financial situation there is absolutly nothing i can do. i’m counting on knowledge to empower myself and try to find a solution in order to escape this hell i’m living ..

    Thank you All,

  2. Hi Dana, I’ve been reading a lot of your posts and I wanted to reach out because I’m feeling lost. I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist about 2 months ago. Like other people, I thought my guy was special. I knew he had narcissistic traits but I thought he loved me and we had a real connection and he wasn’t AS BAD as other narcissists. I was really really wrong. I’m not the same person I once was. I am having a very difficult time with all of this. I am disgusted with myself (the way I look, the way I feel, the things I did/do for him). I’m starting to believe I am all the things he says I am (immature, stupid, dramatic, annoying, overly emotional, accusatory, a bitch, etc). I’ve blamed myself for every single thing that went wrong in the relationship. I’ve thought if I was less emotional or if I didn’t call him out on lies or whatever, we would still be happy like we were in the beginning. Because that was perfect.

    We spoke for a few weeks after we broke up, just residual breakup stuff. He told me he loves me, cares about me, thinks I’m beautiful, wants to keep talking. I fell for all of that. Then he totally changed his tune within a few hours one day. All of the sudden it was “why would we keep talking, I have nothing to say to you, move on, let go of me, you’re so clingy/crazy” I was shocked. He blocked my number and I stopped trying to reach out to him. We stayed no contact for about a month.

    A few days ago, I missed him like crazy. I thought maybe a month was enough time to reflect on things and talk. I contacted him. He seemed cordial at first, he even told me he hoped I was doing well. This made me cry because he never ever said that to me…even when we were together, he never asked how I was doing. But again, he changed his tune quite quickly. He went back to cold and unresponsive. I went back to sending too many texts begging for answers. I literally begged him to just tell me why he did what he did and why he wanted to hurt me. He just said “let it go.” I feel like the crazy one because I can’t let go. I can’t move on. It’s been 2 months and I still love him and I still want answers.

    What can I expect going forward? I feel Ike he really hates me, but should I expect he’ll try to contact me again in the future? Will it likely be weeks or months down the road? Also, is it typical for narcissists to go this route and downplay you and the relationship, saying they dont want to talk to you, you didn’t mean that much to him, etc? I am a little scared, because I think if he wanted to get back together, I would fall for him all over again. Right now, he’s all I want.

    Sorry for the rambling and questions. But I’m feeling really lost and like I’m in need of some help/advice. Thank you 🙂

  3. Hi Rachel,

    Believe it or not, everything that you are describing is pretty normal for how a relationship (of anykind parent/child, boyfriend/girlfriend, coworker/coworker) with a Narcissist goes. In their mind, everything is never their fault, and they spin everything back onto their victims. Of course, because things tend to start off so great, and then everything starts changing, the victim starts to wonder what they did that was so bad–and then becomes very focused on getting things back to the way they were. That’s how these relationships go–the emotional and psychological abuse tends to start off slow and then it esclates.

    You mentioned that you stayed because he wasn’t AS bad as other Narcissists. Many victims feel this exact same way. They don’t identify what they are going through as abuse because they can still tolerate it–no matter how abusive their partner is. Abuse is so much more than being hit. …These relationships can really create a lot of confusion and blurred boundaries, as we don’t know who really has the problem. My two cents is that their behavior is their fault, but it’s really our problem–because now we are the ones with the tough choices to make. It can be hard to know when to keep working on things, and when to walk away. I get it. Lord knows, I get it. …If you partner has no accountablity for their actions, and if everything is always your fault, and there is no desire on their end to have a relationship based on honesty, respect, compassion, and kindness, then in my book it’s time to walk away, as they will always be insensitive and hurtful and you can’t be in a relationship with a person who doesn’t take you or your feelings into account.

    You ask about what you can expect with moving forward. I would encourage you to anticipate him to “hoover” : http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/you-tube-video-on-hoovering/

    I would also encourage you to join the support group as I think you find a lot of answers to questions (many you probably didn’t even realize you had) there: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum (((hugs)))

  4. Being in an abusive relationship (regardless of what kind of abuse it is) will grind anyone down. …There is always a way out. If you’d like to join the support group, then perhaps we can help you to brainstorm some options: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

    Here is a link to how to do a safety plan: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/develop-a-safety-plan/ Even if you aren’t in a physically abusive relationship, if you are feeling stuck and trying to find a way out, that article is full of tips on things to consider and how to get out of there. (((hugs)))

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