Red Flag of a Narcissist #30: His Views on Women

verbal abuse and narcissists

Many Narcissists are thought to be misogynistic (women haters).

Personally, I don’t think this is necessarily true. I think they are just full of rage, and since most of the diagnosed, abusive Narcissists out there are men, and most of their victims are women, my guess is this is how they got this label.

My two cents is that it is certain character traits within a Narcissist that because they are often directed at women comes out like they hate them (power and control, sadism, enjoyment of humiliation and degradation), but I’m sure that many lesbian or gay men experience all those same qualities directed at them by their Narcissist.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Frustrations? Ideas? Input? Need some support? Just want to say hi? Let me know! 🙂

dana@www.thriveafterabuse.com

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All manipulative people have about the same predictably unpredictable behavior. The good news is that they all come with the same set of red flags. To watch the “Red Flags of a Narcissist” series in order, click here.

*Keep in mind as you are watching these red flags videos, that the vast majority of people out there have behaviors or situations that could be considered upon first glance to be red flags.

The goal with this series is to slow a relationship down enough when (not if) you see red flags surface so that you can gather more information to determine if the red flag falls within the realm of normal, understandable, (and acceptable to you) behavior, or if it is in fact problematic and a sign for you to get out of there.

If you are watching these videos on the different red flags, and find yourself wondering if you are a Narcissist or other highly manipulative, destructive or dangerous person, just know that questioning your own behavior–and seeing red flags within it, is totally normal.

I would encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself if you have empathy, remorse, a care and concern about your behavior on others, and a sincere desire to change any problematic behavior you might have. If you answered yes to these things, then any behaviors that you do have that you believe are problematic can most likely be changed given enough hard work and determination. 🙂

(Narcissists and other highly manipulative people tend to not change because they don’t ever sincerely think that they have the problem–plus they not only like getting their way, they feel they are entitled to it.)

We all have things about ourselves that we would like to change. So please don’t panic.

I encourage you to work on changing any behavior that you feel is problematic, and then let us know how you are going about making those changes and your lessons learned–maybe, together we can all help each other to not only avoid manipulative, dangerous, or destructive people, but also become better people by ironing out wrinkles in our behavior along the way. 🙂

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 296 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

8 Comments

  1. I believe my ex’s hatred of women stems from thinking his mother was powerless because she did nothing to stop his father from abusing him.

  2. It seems, from all the self-help and all stories that I’ve watched, that you never quite feel as good as you did with a Narcissist. I feel hopeless, like no other relationship will ever have the same level of intensity. Yes, there were bad times, many, that I still suffer from, but the high times…. man, the high times do not compare with anything I’ve felt before. Is there a chance I can feel as in love and as passionate with another healthy human being without the emotional abuse? or is that a characteristic of only Narcissistic relationships?

  3. Misogyny isn’t just about sadism/humiliation/degradation. It is about seeing women as inferior, it is about someone invalidating everything you say/think/feel because you’re a woman (therefore “too sensitive”, “weak”, “irrational”, “are you in your period?”, “it’s the hormones”, “women are subjective, men are objective therefore your views about everything are warped”) and he is the one who is “rational”.

  4. I am now trying to understand if me being afraid to move into a relationship with a man I feel attracted to is my flashback to a narc abuse or if it is him that he is not a reliable person. So I was looking on this website like a list of red flags in one place, is there such a thing at all? Or just separate videos for each red flag?

  5. Here is a link to the different playlists: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/youtube-video-playlist-on-narcissism/

    Here is a link to the red flags in more of a format: http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/the-red-flags-of-a-narcissist-series-in-order/

    …The first two signs of a problematic relationship are:

    1. Confusion. It’s that moment where the other person says or does something where we think to ourselves, “huh, that’s weird.”

    2. Wondering if it’s him or you. If you can’t tell whose behavior is the problem, his or yours, odds are it’s his. A great way to tell is to ask yourself if you wonder about your behavior with other people in your life. For example, if you are wondering if he is cheating, or lying, ask yourself if you have these concerns with other men in your life. (Odds are you don’t.) If you are still feeling stuck, then ask yourself what advice you’d give to your younger sister, or best friend if they were dating this person. Odds are that’s the advice that you would be wise to take for yourself. <3

  6. We can feel passionate about another healthy human being while being in a healthy relationship. …The reason the highs are so good with emotional abusers is because, in part, the lows are so low. In a healthy relationship there is a lot of passion on a regular (albeit predictable) basis. The good times feel even better (IMO) because we know they are real–unlike with the Narc where all their actions seem canned and like they are straight out of a movie (and we know they are insincere and fake).

  7. Hi everyone 🙂 nice to meet you! Hopfully we can help one another as we share our experiences…… I’m thankful to God for helping me through the past relationship I had. I have been free from his presence since September 1st 2015 and God has been gracious as He has been healing me. I have felt the need to speak with someone other than my family that knows about this behavior. I know the traumatizing feeling too well…I still however have not snapped out of it so to speak…I feel as if I lost part of me…..I’ve forgiven him and I dont hate him or dwell on the things that happened…..but still yet some effects exist….I know how to get to the root source of many things to progress but I believe sharing our experiences will help us both 🙂 God lead me here tonight! I never even heard of the word or behavior Narcissist till today in a phrase (aka evil spirit)….it caught my attention enough to look up the definition and wow the flooding of information came and described what I went through to such an extent that it was as I was reading my own book without ever having to write it! Then OMG what relief to finally be able to share and using one word to describe the trauma I endoured on and off for 12 years! My journey is quite interesting and has helped strengthen me in ways I would have never thought possible. This man was my minister and next door neighbor for 12 years…..the first few years I would speak with him off and on depending upon his behavior and have bible study..I am 21 years younger than him and he had quite an influence on me……I should have never trusted someone so much and be so quick to believe what they told me when it comes to the bible…but I eventually learned that lesson and read for myself and that helped clear up some things with the man that was so arrogant to me. He would tell me I needed to repent, that God didnt love me and didnt hear my prayers. I felt so bad about myself after 4 years that I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrist…..at that moment before I did it, I thought how much I hurt and I couldnt endour the pain any longer and thought that was the only way it would stop…..I thank our Father in Heaven for sparing my life…..I cried continually for 3 days after cutting my wrist and did not sleep or eat….nothing litterally but cried and had so much remorse for anything I had ever done to negatively effect anyone’s life, When I had bad thoughts about someone, if I had ever been mean to someone, hurt feelings…..God had mercy again! He knew I was sorry to Him. Thats when God forgave me (it was the most amazing thing thats ever happened in my life) September 30th 2006 9:15pm in a camper in the woods on my brothers property away from home!!……so when this miracle happened to me all I wanted to go do was share it with him and his mother. I was so excited and there again I set myself up for more brainwashing….I was very nieve….I only had issues with him, his mother and I were very close…..so a little time went by and I wouldnt speak with him again for a couple years…..this went on and off a few years till I received an email from him last may telling me his mother passed. I always wandered what would happen to him if she went before him. He told me how God had greatly humbled him…..I was hoping it was true….I started helping him around the house as it needed much attention….the days went into weeks and I knew that I was facing and trying to concour my fears about this man and how he used to have such a hold on me and believed I was strong enough and more mature to handle him now so to speak. He had lasting effects on me and I was very leary about him still even though he professed to have been humbled and I wanted to help him and come out of what effects he had on me from the past….I didnt know how to do this other than to not be afraid no matter what. He hired me to do much around the house as it was very large and was going to take awhile….things had been let go for years. So in this process I started slowly confronting him about things he once said to me, thats when I started noticing him not owning up to things he done, because he didnt see it that way. So why did he need humbled then? Get where I’m going with that….so each day was a learning lesson for me with him as I had no idea how to deal with someone of this magnitude in behavior swings…especially when alcohol was added to the mix…I did the best I could… I started asking questions when he was sober and some when he was drunk… thats when I saw the demon even clearer…he did not like to be called out! I did it in an non offensive very respectful way and tone….it still didnt matter….he would yell at me and most of the things he ever accussed me of was what he was guilty of…..I tried from my heart to help the man but he never would own up to or admit his faults….he said he seen most women as the devil….very dillussional, some alzheimers along with it and I didnt know from one day to the next what it might be like….he tried to confine me and strip me of any happiness inside….even down to my best friend Romeo (my dog), Romeo is one of those rare amazing dogs that is so tuned into people……he saved a drunk man from getting hit by not just one car but many…100 lbs strong, fast and highly intelligent!! Boils down that The man didnt want me to have anything in my life but him…and to be totally dependent on him….he even tried to tell me my transmission was slipping and was going to take it apart…I would have been left with no transportation out in the middle of no where….his property was a grave yard for vehicles….he didnt fix them, he generally made this worse by trying to fix things that werent even broken….he was a very frustrated angry hostile man that could talk the talk but couldnt walk the walk…I left and never went back….I never answered one phone call or email….anytime I felt like I should maybe talk to him, the very next thought would be….its not ever worth the breath it would take to tell him, he would never hear it anyway….I had already tried ….so I made the choice firmly to never engage with him again! I would so greatly appreciate talking with someone who has already went through this….I need some help please and thank you 🙂 so much Dana for what you do to help others…God bless you

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