Red Flag of a Narcissist #31: They Know-it-All

Many Narcissists (especially the overt ones) are big time know-it-alls. They often drone on and on to anyone they think they can impress with grandiose stories that portray themselves as the hero and/or the smartest person in the room.

The way they tell it, everyone should be lucky to have them around as they are so smart (which is actually often true)–but in their mind things would fall apart if they weren’t there (which is often not true).  …If anything, things tend to fall apart because of them, and all of the chaos and pot stirring that they bring.

Most covert Narcissists hide their know-it-all attitude better than overt Narcissists, but odds are that attitude of superiority is still there.

One last thing…

This “Red Flag of a Narcissist” series is not designed to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder. It is designed to present a broad brush look at behaviors that most (if not all) manipulative people tend to have (not just Narcissists). Not all of these red flags are a signal to run for the hills, and a person doesn’t need to have ALL of these flags present to be dangerous or destructive. 

These red flags also occur on a spectrum, meaning that they will be more obvious and troublesome in some people, and not so much in others. 

At the same time, keep in mind that EVERYONE has some of these red flags—however, manipulative people tend to have them to a more troubling degree than normal, non-manipulative people. Keep in mind that Narcissists and Antisocial Personality Disordered people’s red flag behavior is more driven by their lack empathy and remorse, desire to manipulate and exploit other people for their personal gain, which is often not the case with those without these disorders. So don’t panic if you see some of your behavior in these red flags, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a Narcissist, or have a personality disorder. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 296 Articles
I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse. My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life. Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics. It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

8 Comments

  1. I have lived with many narcs – a parent, two spouses, a couple lovers and a sibling.
    And there is one thing I have not seen mentioned any where that I think may be a pretty good red flag indicator that you may be dealing with a narc – and that is humour. They have no real sense of humour. They can fake a lot of stuff – but they can not fake funny. Real gut busting funny – it is not possible for them to become that vulnerable, that real, that spontaneous – that is my experience anyway.

  2. It’s unbelievable but I am a well-educated and successful business lady. Yet, even at my ‘mature’ age, I got taken in by a man that is living a huge lie. He is in a professional occupation, and yet when he’s been caught lying or stealing from his workplace, not to mention the personal havoc he’s caused, he still manages to get away with it. He definitely has no conscience, and is well on his way to marrying his latest victim.
    I was totally conned by him and of course, ashamed to admit it. I did talk about my concerns to my friends and family and they actually created an ‘intervention’ to get me away from his controlling ways.
    I was with him 18 months and it feels like 18 years have been added to my stress level. I have enjoyed watching your you tube videos and reading your messages. Thank you for putting out the information that you have, we can all benefit from learning more about these behaviors. Hopefully I’ll be more wary in the future and not find excuses for the next guy that manipulates everyone in the room. A million thanks for your contributions to all your readers / listeners .

  3. That’s a great idea for a red flag. Yes, so many of them don’t seem to have much of a sense of humor–and they for sure have a hard time laughing at themselves!
    I hope that this next chapter in your life is free of problematic people, and full of health and healing.

  4. Thanks Dana – I am well on my way!

    At 67 yo, I have “done” it all with therapies, shamanism, buddhism, crania, self-help et al. Recently, during a sleepless night, I happened on Gangaji.org – This “learning” is deeper than the painful narc stories. I am closer to the eternal me – that which can not be abused, abandoned or betrayed. This knowing means “they” and their behaviours can not touch me – have not touched me. I am free.

    Whatever time is remaining in this life, it won’t be wasted! Love to you –

  5. I will check it out–thanks for posting! …I stumbled upon Abraham Hicks late one night, and had a very similar realization about discovering the “eternal me”. I now try to really incorporate the importance of listening to our intuition and resulting emotions.

    (((hugs))) to you. I wish you light and love in this next chapter of your journey. <3

  6. I’m sorry that you went through something like this, and I’m really glad that my videos and blogs have been helping. …I hear from a wide range of professional people who have been conned by these kinds of people–including doctors, attorneys, psychologists and therapists. They all say the same thing that you do: that they can’t believe it happened to them. They feel shame and embarrassment that their were duped by these people, and feel that with their level of education and world experience that they should have known better.

    But the truth is that being well-educated and successful will not guard against keeping these people out of our lives. The reason being is that manipulation only ever works on an emotional level–and emotions are tricky things to do battle with from a logical perspective. These kinds of people slip into our lives through our vulnerabilities. I encourage you to do some soul searching and figure out what your vulnerabilities are (they change over time too). For example, mine were that I had felt unloved and unimportant for a very long time. When I came across Jack (And then later Steve) I really fell for the love bombing and the rushing of intimacy because it filled those “empty buckets” for me. Now that I know those are some of my vulnerabilities, I can work towards filling them on my own. Once I did this, I was able to spot problematic people/behavior from a mile away. …But it’s hard to think clearly if we have empty buckets, because we are in such a scramble to get them filled. (And generally we don’t realize it.)

    I hope that helps. (((hugs)))

    If you are interested in joining a support group, we’d love to have you: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

  7. So my husband is definitely a Narc but as I go through your videos, a lot of the polarized points between overt and convert Narc, both behaviors show up depending on his mood, setting and audience. The way he talks about his job he literally should put a name badge on identifying himself as God. But he also will get belligerent if you counter his intelligence. Is there a subset Narc that transcends both?

  8. I think there are a lot of them that are more of a “hybrid” depending on the circumstances. At the end of the day, the label isn’t as important as the behavior. If his behavior is abusive, then that’s what’s important (and what’s problematic).

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