Shame and Embarrassment About Being in a Relationship with a Narcissist

ashamed of abuse

I started this blog with the intention to help others to avoid making all the mistakes I had, and ideally to avoid getting into a relationship with a Narcissist altogether. I wanted to write the blog that I so wished had been around when I was going through everything, and I also wanted to share how I healed, and have become so much stronger by these experiences.

But for some reason, I hadn’t really thought that I should, or would, share my own stories in any level of depth–after all I wanted this blog to be about helping others, not about me. Then a friend told me today that I needed to interject more of my stories into my writing, and after giving it a lot of thought, I think she’s right.

However, I’ve really kept quiet about a lot of what happened to me, I guess because it was all so ridiculous, and there’s a lot of shame involved, and it’s hard to even know where to start. That, and well, the thought of putting everything out there for the world to read is really intimidating. I can’t unring that bell. And what will happen if I start sharing details of my experiences? Will people judge me? Will they think that there’s something wrong with me for getting into more than one relationship with a Narcissist? Will they even believe my stories, or will they think I’m exaggerating? Will my family be embarrassed? How much do I really care about what other people think? How will I handle internet trolls if they try to hit me in my soft spots? And now that I’m dating again, what if a guy I like reads all this? Will he think I’m drama or that I have a ton of emotional baggage? Will this scare him off? These are all the questions that are floating around in my head, and I hate that. I hate that I have to edit, or even think about editing any part of my life from someone. I hate that I have shame and embarrassment about these relationships. I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m not the nut job, they were. But it feels like their behavior really reflects poorly on me and my judgment, and that really bothers me.

I’m trying to get to a point where I don’t care what other people think about me, or my past. It’s funny how it can be so difficult to just be ourselves, and that in some weird, ironic twist, that after a relationship with a Narcissist, we are the ones stuck wearing a mask.

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Dana

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of "in the trenches" experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It's for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.
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About Dana 324 Articles

I am a self-help junkie, former advocate for victims of domestic violence, current psychiatric RN, as well as being a recovering victim of Narcissistic abuse.

My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire other abuse victims in understanding more about what happened to them (and how to prevent it from happening again), as well as how to go on and rebuild an amazing life.

Even though I have had a lot of “in the trenches” experience with highly manipulative people of all kinds, I consider myself to be a student of Narcissism, mindset, motivation, healing, and life in general, and am by no means an expert on any of these topics.

It’s for these reasons, that when you are reading my information that I encourage you to hold to what helps, and let the rest go.

5 Comments

  1. Dana,
    what a wonderful honest and vulnerable post! I get that feeling of shame. I hate the conversations when you decide to share with someone, your story of being with someone with narcissistic traits, even the ones who knew your ex and when they dismiss it, not understand it, feel you’re “just a bit bitter that you got dumped/cheated on” whatever. When you’re still trying to make sense of it all, its hard to not internalize those reactions. I feel shame at times too.

  2. Dana –
    Every topic you tackle is spot on. I wish I had found it sooner – six years and $10K sooner. He has no remorse, no guilt, no shame. I had to quit my job (he worked at the same office) – everyone thinks he’s wonderful – and I’m left picking up what’s left of my life at 52.
    I’m so angry – so utterly and completely angry – that I let him completely take over my life, my finances and my emotional integrity.
    The porn, the lies, the jokes, the lies, the ignoring, the accusations, the gas lighting- the PORN! I thought I was going nuts!
    Getting back to my own self and regaining my confidence is going to be a long journey…………

    Thank you for confirming that I’m not a crazy person.

    Liz

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