1. What is a Narcissist?

2. What made them a Narcissist and can they change?

3. I keep hearing all these different terms like “Flying Monkeys”, “Hoovering”, “Supply” and “Gray Rock”.  What do they mean?  Go here to read a list of words you need to know.

4. Why me? Did I attract them to me? 

5. How do I prevent running into another one?

6. They keep coming back promising things will be different.  Why are they doing this? It is really hard to fully end a relationship with a Narcissist. They rely on your hope and pity to take them back.  Anticipate “hoovering”.

7. How do I get support?  My friends think I just need to “get over it”, but I can’t.  Other people (family, friends, etc.) will probably not be able to relate to what you are going through unless they’ve been in a relationship with a Narcissist. How can I join a support group?

8. After all he’s done, why do I miss him?

9. How can I get away from them for good? He/she won’t leave me alone. 

10. How do I get away from them if I have kids or if they are members of my family?  (Go Gray Rock.)

11. I keep having nightmares, and panic attacks, and I feel like I can’t trust anyone.  What’s wrong with me? I feel like I’m broken beyond repair.  Will I ever feel better, or even get over this?

12.  How do I get closure?

5 Comments

  1. Hi Dina! How are u?

    question:

    Me and my girlfriend have been dating now for some months. More than five months now. We are both over 25 years. Things seem to go well. We are having fun most of the time. She is very charming and funny and outgoing. So I enjoy it very much.

    She told me she had a dream. That she had another boyfriend in the dream. Yes in the dream she had me and another boyfriend at the same time. And it was completely normal that she had two at the same time. In the dream I was upset and she did not understand why.

    Well this was just an strange dream she had. But should I bee worried? Could it have a meaning to the relationship or how she view the relationship?

  2. My two cents is that when people bring up dreams, they are using the dream to open up a conversation that they are uncomfortable having any other way. It’s true that she might have just had the dream, but it’s weird that she would tell you this knowing that it would (obviously) upset you.

    I can’t say if it means she’s necessarily cheating, but I think at a minimum it means that she’s got some questionable communication techniques going on–which to me would be a red flag, as it’s really hard to be in an open and honest relationship with someone who doesn’t have open and honest communication–for whatever reasons (deceit, or just not assertive communication).

    I’d open up the converdation with her and ask her if you should be worried, and what she thinks the dream means, and then go from there. 🙂

  3. Hi Dana I was the wife of a Narc for 3 years n thru it all he was a drug and perversion addict. We have a 2 year old n I also have a 9 year old both girls. He has been in jails, rehab and treatment most of our relationship so his last release he got worst, I know what I need to do I asked him to Lev, he did, I feel so much rejection I just need to get to the next phase. How do I move on is pain required? I know there has to be another supply bc he’s not hooveribg to cone back

  4. It’s understandable that you are in so much pain, but please try to remember that his behavior is not a reflection of you and your self-worth, it’s a reflection of him. Pain is a part of life, but suffering doesn’t have to be. You can decide right now that you have suffered enough and then take that pain and energy and put it into activities that make you feel good, like spending time with your children, or taking a hot bath, or otherwise doing something healing and nourishing for yourself.

    The support group can be a great resource too in all this: http://www.NarcissistSupport.com/forum

    (((hugs)))

  5. I met my wife at work. She had a boyfriend at the time and had been recently divorced after a 13 year marriage. We hit it off from the beginning but from time to time she would mistake kindness for a come on. I don’t come on to women, I am basically a shy person but not a wall flower. Our daughter calls me a nerd. My wife was sexual abused as a child and spoke about it openly but in general context. She would have frequent mood swing wich I thought were hormonal. I grew up with 4 sisters. There were instances of what I thought odd behavior. She was a musician but did not tolerate my taste in music even if I listened to it alone. She also would become angry because I would change the tv chanel when she would level for the store, I would hit the last chanel button when she returned. She asked me if I changed the chanel and not seeing any harm in telling the truth, would answer her. That was a mistake. Through the years I learned to not tell her certain things because she would get angry at the strangest things. I am an person who listens to what is told to me. When asked to go to the store for tooth paste, a specific toothpaste with whitening and tarter control, I looked for this toothpaste. I believe it was replaced by total care because I look at every tube and figured total care would be OK, well I got that tube of t [taste shoved so far up my ass I could taste it. I have been married 27 years to this women and I have 27 years of stories. During menapause I was screamed at every time I came home from work or took a day off, vacations were a nightmare. That went on for 4 years and at the end I had to see a therapist. I thought bipolar disorder although it did not fit perfectly. The mood swings from depression to normal. I always thought I could help her. That I would figure out what would make her happy. She would complain that my family never liked her music. I said”have you listened to the music my family plays, now if Lenard Bernstein said you music sucked you could be upset” she floored me with her responce by saying”Lenard Bernstein lived my music he told me I had great talent and should peruse it as a career. I said you met Leonard Bernstein, she said”yes, we played at Carnegie Hall with the All Queens Orchestra”. My wife is also an artist, she paints in oils and pastels. She studied at the Art Student League in NYC. She can give emotion to still life and he portraits capture the person, some of her more emotionally disturbed painting are her best. As I said before I have 27 years of experience with disturbed people. Our daughter moved back in with us when her husband deployed to Afghanistan. She has a small child. We have a 2+2 Condo. My son in law is bipolar and has a sexual addiction. He want to divorse my daughter. My wife is threatened by strong women and my daughter is cut from the same block as the both of us. My wife is very upset that I have a better relationship with our daughter than with her. Wich is not true, she says we never think of her or nobody cars about her or she is just a maid in the house. We have robot vacuum cleaners. She plays scrabble and it engrossed in political blogs most of the time. You can’t do anything in the condo without her taking it out of your hands, if you clean the table she will reclean the table. She says she has no help. She doesn’t allow anyone to help her. I have explained that I let my apprentices make mistakes, it helps them to learn. She won’t have that and then wonders why nobody lifts a finger to help her. If your watching TV she has to take control. She will chastise you for what you watched when she wasn’t in the room after checking the previously viewed screen. There is so much more and I have a habit of writing too much details. My daughter says to me that Mama is narcessistic. I look it up and do some research. I find Vulnerable Narcissism and relationships with Vulnerable Narcessist, this is the piece that fits perfectly. I had a 27 year old gorilla lifted off of my back. It all made sence. All of her behavior and all of her actions from day one, fit. Now I am not leaving this relationship because neither of us give up easily as you can tell. I am on a path to cope and to effect change that will give us a better quality of life, whether its from better flow though the triple warmer meridian, tapping, somehow making her feel good about herself. I will learn and educate myself to some how help her. That is why I chose to search for help and the reason I am her writing all of this down.

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