Examples of Abuse Amnesia
Kalle broke up with Derek a month ago due to his controlling behavior and over-the-top rage directed at her. The first few weeks, she was more angry than sad and vowed never to have anything to do with him again. However, by the end of the month, she found herself missing all the good times they had and his company. She found herself thinking that maybe they could be friends, and then sent him a text saying, "hi." She felt terrible about her decision to text him, and part of her hoped he would text back and part of her hoped that he wouldn't.
Travis walked out on Sarah several months ago out of the blue. Their relationship had always been full of highs and lows, with her finding out about something Travis was up to—whether it was his ongoing cheating, lying, or racking up debt she wasn't aware of. Whenever Sarah mentioned any of this to him, he'd either give her the silent treatment, begin yelling at her and spin things to where it was all her fault. Sarah didn't expect Travis to leave, as things between them were seemingly fine. Still, she knew from experience whenever he broke up with her out of the blue, that meant he was cheating on her and that it was his way of justifying his behavior by telling himself (and her) that they weren't in a relationship. Sarah was hurt and angry and vowed to herself that she wasn't going back to him. She was doing fine until he sent her a text telling her how much he messed up and how he wanted them to go to counseling. Sarah felt herself being pulled back into the fantasy of this time things would be different and then pulled out her "for when you miss him" list and began reading through all the deception, hurt, heartache, and false promises of change she'd heard from Travis before. She reminded herself that she'd been down this road with him before and that her experience with him had been that he didn't change. Travis got better at hiding what he was up to, so she decided to block his number and block him on all of her social media accounts.