Somatic Narcissist

By Dana Morningstar

Somatic narcissists get their ego fed mainly through their attractiveness, power, money, or sex. They are often shallow and associate with either other shallow people, or those who have power and money. They tend to be hyper-sexual, focused on their physical appearance, and are often very status-driven. They are often very seductive, and are usually pathological cheaters. They may be highly successful or they may latch onto others and use them for social status or money. Sex is their main weapon, and they can put on a great performance in bed, becoming the most amazing sexual partner their target has ever had, and using their seduction and sexual prowess to create what feels like a once in a lifetime connection.


Example: Rachel met James at a local café, and soon after, their relationship picked up speed. Rachel had never experienced the kind of chemistry and passion she felt with James, and the sex was off-the-charts. Soon after, James moved in with her, and claimed to have been fired from his job. Rachel was understanding…for the first few months, but then began to grow resentful that she was paying all of the bills. James said that he was looking for a job, but that everything was way below his skill level. It was around this time that Rachel began to notice that James seemed to have a lot of female friends—most of whom he seemed to be secretive about. Whenever Rachel confronted James about this, or about any of his behavior, he was quick to lose his temper or give her the silent treatment. Their relationship went on like this for over a year, with Rachel being torn between feeling like James was a loving, devoted boyfriend who was the best thing that had ever happened to her, or a cheating, lying mooch who was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. It wasn’t until she discovered a bank statement showing that he had been paying child support to a woman (and a child) she knew nothing about that she decided to leave.

Dana Morningstar is a former psychiatric nurse turned domestic violence educator who specializes in abuse awareness and prevention. Her passion is working with survivors of abuse to reclaim and rebuild their self-esteem, boundaries, confidence, and identity. She is an author of multiple books on the subject, and also has a blog, podcast, and YouTube channel, as well as several online support groups, all of which you can find under the name “Thrive After Abuse.”

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